Remembering July

     

Last year we decided to raise our own fresh meat. So we purchased a 400 pound calf and named him July. Our friends, who are experienced at raising animals for food, encouraged us to name him something as a reminder of what his purpose was in our lives. We decided on July because that would be the month of his departure.

     This past year I have learned a lot about bovine creatures that I was never privy to before this encounter. I was not aware of the deep social needs of these animals. When we bought July, we were told that they do much better in pairs. But what were we going to do with all that meat? My practical mind told me that one 1300 pound animal was enough. So we stuck with buying just one steer. 

     As time went on and July began to grow he started getting lonely. The only company that he had were our chickens and our dog Rusty, who loved licking him in the face. July could often be found laying next to the chicken coup or standing at the fence line so that Rusty could give him a facial. 

     One day, in the dead of winter, he decided that this was just not meeting his social needs and so he jumped the fence into our neighbor's field to spend some time with her sheep and llama. It was quite alarming to this city girl to get a call from the neighbor that our steer was in her yard. So I went over to the neighbor's field and coaxed July back with a bucket of grain. However, when he was back in our field he looked back at his new friends and decided he wasn't ready to come home yet. So he turned around and jumped the fence again. We finally got him home and raised the fence line.

     Another day, I was home alone and sick in bed. The phone rang and another neighbor called and said that our beloved July was out walking on the road. She was kind enough to coax him into our neighbors field until we could get him home. This was many months ago and since that last break out July has calmed down and settled into life on our farm. I enjoyed watching him graze in our fields and he was always interested in our presence.

     Yesterday, the butcher came a calling. I chose not to be present to see him meet his end. I was in the house when I heard the gunshot that took his life. It is never easy to experience death. I am thankful for July giving his life so that I can enjoy organic, grass-fed beef. His sacrifice is bringing new life.

     As I was thinking about these things this morning I was reminded of the death of Jesus. I have heard all of my life that Jesus sacrificed his life through death. When we take communion we say that it is the symbol of the body and blood of Jesus. Before Jesus died he broke the bread and said this is my body, broken for you and this is my blood shed for you. I think that Jesus' use of these symbols were to remind us the he is the giver and sustainer of life. We eat and drink everyday to sustain our lives. Jesus asked us to remember him when we do. Remember where your life comes from. We have been removed from death in our culture, especially when it comes to our food supply. In the ancient world when Jesus spoke these words I think the meaning ran much deeper because of the people's first hand knowledge of death. They didn't go to the supermarket to buy their meat in plastic wrap. They understood that a living being would die so that they could live.

     God has given us life, and the plants and animals that we eat to nourish us are gifts from our Creator. Raising our own beef has given me a much greater appreciation for the sacredness of life. Having first hand knowledge of where my beef came from gives me a thankful heart for the sacrifice of the animal I will be eating. So the next time you have a hamburger, remember that an animal give their life for you and be thankful. 

Those who think one day is special do it to honor the Lord. Those who eat meat do it to honor the Lord. They give thanks to God. Those who don’t eat meat do it to honor the Lord. They also give thanks to God. - Romans 14:6

                            

     

Saying Goodbye

   

Newport Pier July 13, 2014

 Yesterday, thousands of people gathered together to pay tribute to a young lifeguard who gave his life to save someone. Some of these people knew him personally but most of those in attendance were there because they were reminded of fact that this young man gave his life protecting them. I was made aware of this tragedy because my son was one of the many surfers who paddled out into the ocean to say thank you. 

     Looking at this public display of affection took me back to the summer of 2004. Another good man also lost his life keeping others from harms way. That man was my brother-in-law, Brad Crawford. Thousands of people came to his memorial because his death also reminded the community of the fact that there are public servants who risk their lives to protect them. 

     These public displays of honor and thanksgiving are a good way for the community to have closure but for those who are touched personally by theses sudden deaths, this is only the beginning of learning to let go.

     Our family has been walking through this valley of the shadow of death for ten years. Just like a baby who learns to take their first steps, we have had to learn how to walk through our lives without Brad, literally, walking with us. But he is never far from our thoughts. When I look at his children and his grandchildren, I see parts of him shining through. I wish that he could be here to see them growing and changing and share life with us. When someone you love dies, you never get over it, you learn to live with it. Losing someone unexpectedly sends shockwaves through your soul and creates a vacuum for many unanswerable questions. So the path toward peace is long and often rocky at times. Sometimes you stumble and fall and you have to get back up and keep going forward.

     By chance, I met a man and woman this past week who had just experienced the loss of a family member who was shot and killed at work by an angry ex-employee. He was not a public servant. He was just a guy doing his job and was killed by someone else's rage. I suppose his story was on the nightly news and the community felt bad for a bit. As they told me their story, I felt their deep grief and my heart broke for them. Their lives have been changed forever. 

     July 30th will be the tenth anniversary of Brad's death. Each year we think of how we would like to honor him and remember him. Some years we have gone to the site where he was killed. Some years we have gathered together as a family. Some years we when we were not able to be together, we shared photos and memories on Facebook. These are all good ways to remember Brad but there is always that sense of emptiness in the end. These expressions seem a bit inadequate to what is felt in ones heart. 

Maui 2004 

     Brad was originally from southern California so he grew up going to the beach and surfing. He would often let his younger brother, Bruce, tag along. Surfing became a lifelong connection for Brad and Bruce. In 2003, we spent a week at Newport Beach with Brad and his family. Brad and Bruce were now in their forties and still surfing together. Neither one of them were great surfers, but their love of the ocean and riding the waves was all that really mattered. They also got to share this love of the ocean with their children and together, surf with their kids. So when Brad was killed we, as a family had a paddle out of our own on the island of Maui. Ours was an intimate way of saying goodbye to Brad. 

     So what do these sudden losses bring to us? They give us a greater awareness of suffering. They give us a deeper heart of compassion for those who also suffer. They teach us that we are all connected as a human family and that none of us is immune to suffering. They teach is that life is fragile and to treasure each moment. They teach us that without love, there would be no suffering. It is because we love that we suffer. The deeper the love, the greater the suffering. They teach us that to be alive is to experience both joy and sorrow, we can't have one without the other.

     So hold on to your family and friends and love them well. Be grateful to those in your community who serve you and show lovingkindness to them. See the suffering that is all around you and find a way to relieve that suffering. 

Love can change the world!

No one has greater love than the one who gives his life for his friends.  - Jesus

Spiritual Seekers

“A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho. Robbers attacked him. They stripped off his clothes and beat him. Then they went away, leaving him almost dead.  A priest happened to be going down that same road. When he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. A Levite also came by. When he saw the man, he passed by on the other side too.

 But a Samaritan came to the place where the man was. When he saw the man, he felt sorry for him. He went to him, poured olive oil and wine on his wounds and bandaged them. Then he put the man on his own donkey. He took him to an inn and took care of him.  The next day he took out two silver coins. He gave them to the owner of the inn. ‘Take care of him,’ he said. ‘When I return, I will pay you back for any extra expense you may have.’
                                                            Luke 10:30-35 
                                           

     This morning I read the parable of the Good Samaritan. What struck me as I was reading the story is how I identified with the man who was beat up and robbed and left half dead on the side of the road. The great thing about the parables of Jesus is that we can find ourselves in all of the characters at different times in our lives. Today I found myself in two characters. 

     First as the person half dead on the side of the road. This is how I have felt about my experience with the evangelical church. You see, I am a woman and when I made the decision to follow Jesus in my adolescent years, I had no idea where that would take me. The road that I have been traveling on has left me wounded. The hierarchal, male dominated, evangelical world has, at times, left me feeling half dead. I am not just a woman, I am a woman who aspired to leadership in the church. So you can imagine my surprise when I discovered that I was limited as a leader because of my gender. It seems that it was acceptable for me to lead as long as it was under the direction of my husband and we were leading together. In essence, I needed to be somewhat invisible. 

     So after many years of this oppressive situation, I decided to look outside of the church community to find my vocation. I became a school teacher and was pleasantly surprised at how much I was valued in that environment. This was a stark contrast to my experience in the church. So this was my new path and it worked quite well for a few years. 

     In 2005, our family moved to another state because of the tragic and sudden death of my brother-in-law. This life change caused me to take some time and seek God's direction for my life. I had heard about a ministry of spiritual direction and was curious to find out what this was all about. So I went to a week long school of spiritual direction with Dr. Larry Crabb in Colorado. He told me that if I wanted to be a Spiritual Director vocationally then I would need to be credentialed.  So the next step was for me to attend George Fox Evangelical Seminary. To be honest, I never intended to look toward the church again for affirmation or calling vocationally. 

     I spent my years in seminary looking closely at how God sees women and how God sees me. I also met with a Spiritual Director. Over the years, I have met with a few Spiritual Directors and have found healing and wholeness for my soul. They have been my Good Samaritans. 

     You see, the thing about the Samaritans is that they were outside of the temple. The Jewish community hated them and so for the Samaritan to be the hero was an assault to the Jews listening to this story. I did not find empowerment from my previous Pastors (the priest in the parable), instead I got beat up. I was told that I was ambitious and impatient and as a woman, I would never be one of them. I did not find empowerment from the elders in my church (the Levite in the parable) instead I was ignored. I admit that I was ambitious and that I can be very impatient sometimes. I am reminded of the words of Martin Luther King Jr. He was a man of great patience and yet understood that patience does not mean accepting injustice anywhere you find it. When you point out injustice, you make enemies.

"We have no alternative but to protest. For many years we have shown an amazing patience... But we come here tonight to be saved from that patience that makes us patient with anything less than freedom and justice."
        - Montgomery, Alabama, December 5, 1955

     I did find empowerment through meeting with my Spiritual Directors. These woman and men helped me to see who I am and who God is. They listened to me and shed light on my life. They were the mercy of God to me.     

     I have been patiently waiting for the evangelical church to see the injustice that is inflicted on women when it comes to leadership. I am tired of arguing over the word pastor and elder. I read a book written by Eugene Peterson several years ago and he defined the true calling of a pastor is first and foremost to be a Spiritual Director.

     So the second person that I relate to in this parable is the Good Samaritan. As a woman in the church I have found myself as an outsider looking in. I have not found the church to be very open and receptive to the ministry of spiritual direction which is essentially a one on one pastoral ministry. I tend to be an idealist and my dream is for the church to catch the vision for the ministry of spiritual direction. However, this has not deterred me from the ministry itself. God has brought me spiritual seekers who are hungry for God and desire to go deeper in their spiritual lives. I now have the privilege of walking with people in the ministry of spiritual direction as a Director. As I sit with individuals and listen to their story unfold, I see the spirit of God transform their lives. I see God bring freedom, and healing to their souls. I see the power of God's love move mountains. I love this ministry and I am blessed by every person that walks through my door to meet with me. When you listen to the heart of another you are entering holy ground. God is the true director in these times and I am a participant. I am grateful to every person that has invited me into this space with them as they journey toward healing and wholeness. I am thankful for my directors who showed me the love, kindness and compassion of Jesus and ushered in healing to my soul.

     Jesus told this parable in response to the question of how to receive eternal life. He answered by telling them to love God with all of their heart, soul, mind and strength and to love your neighbor as you love yourself. The ministry of spiritual direction offers us the opportunity to reflect upon our lives and see how this is or is not a reality in our lives. Jesus said that the kingdom of God is within you. So to take the inward journey is to find the kingdom of God.

If you are looking for a place to seek God's presence through spiritual direction my door is open...