Why Don't You Write Me?

Last night when I laid my head down on my pillow I was feeling a bit discouraged. So as I often do I asked God to come to me and bring hope and compassion to me while I slept. Now I know that when I ask God to meet me in the middle of the night, I am always hoping that I well have sweet dreams and be refreshed when I wake. However, that is usually not what actually happen. Very often I will have a dream that wakes me up and then I am wide awake. Being awake is a good thing but I resist when it is 2:00 AM. So I woke up from a dream that I was having and in the dream I was sitting with a friend who was reading my journal and weeping over my life. I have learned from these experiences that it is best to have a conversation with God and ask for insight about my life rather than be frustrated about my inability to fall back to sleep. This is another way that I have been learning to listen to God in my life. As I lay there in bed listening I felt the presence of the Lord and saw that the compassionate friend was a representation of God. I was very comforted by this insight. I tend to not show myself much compassion or allow others to either.

So what did this dream tell me? As I reflected on how I felt in the dream it was clear that I felt, not just listened to but really heard. The friend in my dream was looking at my life with me and saw my pain. I felt the love and compassion of God in that dream.  

Then after much reflection I realized that there was a song running through my head. This also happens often to me during these times. I used to just get annoyed when this occurred because it seems like background noise or racket. But since this has happen so often to me, I have learned to listen instead and ask God why I would be hearing this song right now. Maybe God is trying to tell me something.

The song that I heard was written by, Paul Simon to his wife back in 1970 when they were apart from one another. The name of the song is Why Don’t You Write Me. This statement is repeated over and over in the song. I felt as if God were asking me to get up and write my thoughts back to God. I had been listening and now it was time to respond. I thought about what tomorrow would be like without rest so instead I waited for sleep to come again.

Writing is hard work. I enjoy writing because I gain insight and wisdom through the process. I resist writing because it is hard work. I worry too much about whether anyone will read what I write. So this blog is an act of obedience to answer the call of God saying to me, why don’t you write me?

When I was a child my parents had me say a prayer before bed:

Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

If I should die before I wake,

I pray the Lord my soul to take.

God bless…

This is an okay prayer for a small child but as we grow into maturity with God it is vital that we learn to listen as well. God speaks to us in a variety of ways. God is everywhere! I so long to hear from the Maker of my soul, and yet I am a lazy listener. Jesus went around from town to town and spoke truth to the multitudes and when he was finished he would say who ever has ears let them hear.

God give us eyes to see you, ears to hear you, and a heart that understands.

Anger and Love

Yesterday, before I went to church,  I started my day with a personal study of love. Saint Paul describes love in his letter to the church at Corinth and in this description he states that, “love is not easily angered.” So I looked for a time in Jesus’ life when he got angry, why he got angry, and what he did with his anger. This led me to a day when Jesus was going to the synagogue to worship.

Jesus Heals on the Sabbath  Mark 3:1-6

 Another time Jesus went into the synagogue, and a man with a shriveled hand was there.  Some of them were looking for a reason to accuse Jesus, so they watched him closely to see if he would heal him on the Sabbath.  Jesus said to the man with the shriveled hand, “Stand up in front of everyone.” Then Jesus asked them, “Which is lawful on the Sabbath: to do good or to do evil, to save life or to kill?” But they remained silent. He looked around at them in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts, said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was completely restored.  Then the Pharisees went out and began to plot with the Herodians how they might kill Jesus.

When Jesus entered this place of worship he saw a man with a withered hand and his response was one of compassion and mercy. However, there were people there that were looking for a reason to accuse Jesus of breaking the rules. This meant that if Jesus reached out to the man and healed him, then he would be breaking the rule of healing on the Sabbath.  Jesus knew that he was being closely watched and these people were just itching to find a way to kill him. So what does he do? He parades the guy up in front of everyone making sure they can all see. Then he asks them what they think is the lawful thing to do. Should he do good or do evil; bring life or destroy life. They didn’t have an answer for him. Then we read that Jesus looked at them in anger. His heart was broken over their inability to find love in their hearts in this place of worship. That made Jesus angry! Their hearts were cold and hard. They could not see the suffering man standing before them because they  were preoccupied with finding a way to kill Jesus. Their hearts were filled with anger as well.

So what did Jesus do with his anger? He chose the way of love. He looked at the men who were seeking to kill him and then gave them what they wanted. He chose to do good and to bring life by healing the man’s withered hand. Maybe Jesus thought that by demonstrating this act of love and mercy he would penetrate the stubborn hearts of the Pharisees. Sadly, this is not what happened.

The Pharisees saw this healing miracle as a great way to plan Jesus’ demise. They began to plot a way to kill him. Their anger led them down a very different path than the path of love. They chose the path of evil and destruction. My son Zachary, painted this picture a while back and it shows what happens to us when we let anger lead us toward evil and destruction. The title of the painting is "Anger Eats."

So how does this translate in our lives. When we find ourselves angry toward injustice, how are we to respond? We can choose the way of love and mercy ourselves as Jesus did. When we are filled with anger toward the oppression and hard-heartedness that we see in our world, we can reach out our hands to bring the healing touch of Jesus to those who suffer. Or we can choose the way of the Pharisee and be more concerned with keeping the rules. We can plot the demise of anyone who breaks the rules to oppose injustice.

In the end who won? The Pharisees got what they wanted. Jesus ended up dead. The Pharisees convinced the crowd that Jesus was a blasphemer. He was a troublemaker and needed to be dealt with severely. In the eyes of the religious leaders, it really didn’t matter that Jesus was doing good and bringing life to the masses. He was a dangerous man who had to be stopped. They put him in the grave hoping to solve their problem and yet the power of love broke through when Jesus rose from the dead.

Love is stronger than hate!

Love is the greatest power on earth!

Love overcomes evil!

Love brings life!

Let your anger lead you to love!

He has told you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justice, to love kindness, And to walk humbly with your God?

Micah 6:8

Perfect Love

Today I woke at 4:30 AM from a very vivid dream. I was in a school classroom with a group of people and there was a fire raging outside the building. The person in charge, which I assume now was the teacher, told us that there were firemen outside working hard to put out the fire and that we would be rescued soon. After what seemed like a very long time of waiting, I started walking around the room looking out of the windows. As I peered through the windows that seemed to surround the room all I could see were billowing flames of fire. It was clear to me that barring a miracle; we were about to be engulfed in the flames ourselves. We all came together in the center of the room and got down on our hands and knees to pray. As I was fervently praying for God to come and save us, I began to feel the heat of the flames and my mind began to race. I was thinking, we are not going to be saved; we are going to burn to death! God was not going to rescue us. Then I woke up.

Upon reflection, I can see this dream as a graphic snapshot of my life. I have been in the classroom of life. The other students are all of humanity. The teacher is Jesus. The firemen represent all of the trappings of the world that we place our hope in to rescue us from our pain and emptiness. The fire itself is the harsh reality of life on earth. Pain and suffering in this world are inescapable. And so that best we can do is to cry out to Jesus to save us. Save us from the flames that are nipping at our necks. Save us from ourselves; from the deeply entrenched fears that we carry with us. My life is messy. I often find myself doubting whether God is going to save me from my own messiness.  Living in fear is worse than dying in flames. None of us has the power to save ourselves from the dangers and pitfalls that this world brings to us. Our only hope is to cling to the love of God that will carry us through the flames.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

                                                                                1 John 4:18

DREAM ON

Early in our marriage Bruce and I made a bold move to the state of Washington that we expected to last for many years. However, we were surprised to discover that our plans were not necessarily what God had in mind. When the life that we sought after crumbled, we were left homeless. So we turned to our family and headed back to California. We had two small children and had no idea what the future held. It didn’t seem reasonable for us to live with family members for long because they didn’t have room for us.

As I was seeking guidance from the Lord, I was prompted to call on an old friend of mine who was also going through a difficult time in her life. She lived in a large home with her four children and unfortunately, she found herself going through the dark valley of divorce. I sensed that we would be able to encourage one another during this transitional time in our lives. So I asked her if we could move in with her. She said yes. And so Bruce, myself, and our two kids moved into her finished two-car garage. In return for our housing, Bruce remodeled a couple of her bathrooms and we babysat her kids while she went back to school to get her teaching credential. Practically, it was a win-win situation for both of us. Spiritually, God met us in some very deep and healing ways through many long nights of deep conversation. I look on that time of my life with great appreciation.

Eventually we moved on but I remember saying to God that when I got older that I would like to help young couples get started in life. It wasn’t until recently that God reminded me of that prayer and opened my eyes to see that God was listening to my heart.

Now we live in Washington again and we have been given the gift of a little piece of land to live on. When my son Zachary and his wife Erika decided to move up here as well, Bruce and Zach put their building skills to work and transformed a section of our barn into a guesthouse. It is really quite nice. After living there for a year they decided to buy a house close by and God brought another young couple to our doorstep.

Liz and Drew took up residence in the guesthouse while they completed construction on a house that they had purchased. Before they moved in I really didn’t know them at all and now they have become close friends. It was great fun to watch them realize their dreams as they worked on their own home. They were with us for about eighteen months.

On May 15,2010, my youngest daughter Marianne was married to Michael Wallace on our property. It was a beautiful outdoor wedding and they were surrounded by God’s natural touch through creation. The weather was perfect on that day in between rainstorms that lasted for weeks on end. They took up residence in the guesthouse and set to dreaming about their life together. And before long they decided to move to Bend Oregon. 

Around this same time, Zach and Erika, with our grandson Noah, made the decision to move back to California. Their dream was to live at the beach and now they do. Saying goodbye was very hard to do but I am so happy for them and how God has led them along the way.

So in a matter of weeks Bruce and I found ourselves living alone. We spent the winter months together and it was a refreshing time. And then last spring a close friend of mine found herself in a troubling time. She was faced with the task of moving and was not sure of how she was going to find a living situation that would meet the needs of her and her children. So as Bruce and I sought the Lord on this matter and we felt led to open our home to her. She is now living with us along with three of her children and they are a great blessing to us.

 On September 25, 2011, my daughter Emily married Ryan Keith and they have dreams of being full time musicians. They are both very talented and I have no doubt that they will bring beautiful music to the world throughout their lives. So to get started, they have moved into the guesthouse and Bruce and Ryan are building a recording studio on the property.

All of these young couples and my friend and her family have enriched my life beyond measure. I am a blessed woman.

Life is a great adventure! It is such great fun to see the work of God in the lives of others. When Bruce and I moved to this little piece of land we walk the perimeter of the property and stopped to pray for God’s peace and blessing to be upon the land and anyone whom God brought here. What a joy it is to see that unfold.

Let It Be

A few weeks ago I was sitting in church and my mind began to drift to the coming season of advent. I was reflecting on the moment when a young teenage woman, Mary, received the message that she would become the mother of God. Then my thoughts turned to a song that I have listened to since I was a young teenage woman many years ago.

The inspiration for the lyrics to this song came from a dream that the poet had. His name is Paul McCartney and he was in a revolutionary band of sixties and seventies. The Beatles were a group of friends who combined their talents to produce some great music that as a child of the sixties and seventies I have enjoyed over the years. Toward the end of their time together tensions arose amongst them as they were growing as artists. They were finding the band to be confining to their individual expression. During this time, Paul had a dream and in this dream his mother whose name was Mary appeared to him and they had a conversation. His mother told him “It will be alright, just let it be.”

This dream led Paul to write the song Let It Be. Over the past forty years, I have listened to that song and always thought that it was inspired by Mary, the mother of Jesus. The message that this song brings to me is one of faith. Faith to believe that in the midst of trouble and darkness there will be an answer.

Mary of Nazareth, when visited by the angel Gabriel, was troubled and frightened. Mary’s life changed forever at the moment of this announcement. She would be given the gift of caring for and loving Jesus from his conception until the bitter end of his life on earth. It is interesting that the name Mary actually means “bitter.” Because Mary was given this great privilege from God to raise Jesus, the bible tells us that, for all time she would be called “blessed.”

After Mary receives clarification from the angel as to how all this is going to occur, her beautiful response is one of complete surrender and trust. She says to Gabriel, “Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word.”

 Mary said YES to God!

Gabriel did not tell her the details of the future. He did not tell her that she would be in danger because there would be forces seeking to end the life of her child. He didn’t mention that she would have to travel a long distance while pregnant. He didn’t tell her that when she arrived at her destination, exhausted and ready to give birth that there wouldn’t be anyplace for her to stay and that she would be forced to deliver her child in a filthy, stinky stable.

Gabriel also failed to mention that she would see some amazing things during the course of Jesus’ life. She saw Jesus grow into a man. She was there when he began to astound the scholars of his time. She was there and witnessed his many miracles and healings. She was a woman that was truly blessed with great joy and great sorrow.

I find it interesting that Gabriel did not ask Mary if she wanted this gift of being Jesus’ mother, instead he announced to her that this is what was to come. What would have happened if Mary had said no? I think that her resistance to the call of God would have caused her much grief. Jesus would have still been born but Mary would have missed the blessing God had for her.

When I consider my own life I can see how easy it is for me to resist God in times of trouble. I want out of my suffering. I think that this is a very human response and that is what makes Mary’s ability to surrender and trust so extraordinary. I have found that resisting what God brings to us does not change the circumstance. However, what does change is how we walk through those dark valleys. If we can surrender to God and trust that God is with us, we can find peace in the midst of very trying times.

The song Let It Be has three main messages that speak to me in a prophetic way.

• Speaking words of wisdom – Mary’s surrender and trust in God when she proclaimed the words, “Let it be to me according to your word.”

• There will be an answer – The answer is Jesus!

• There is still a light that shines on me, shine until tomorrow – Jesus is the light of the world that will shine on us all forever!

I pray that as I continue to walk through my life that I will be able to say YES to God in whatever circumstances I find myself in whether they come with great joy or great sorrow. I pray this for you as well.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Occupy Whoville

Last night, before I went to sleep I started reading the autobiography of Nelson Mandela. I have been meaning to read his story for a long time. He has lived an extraordinary life and I know that I have much to learn from his journey. His life began in simplicity. He came from a large family with very little material wealth. However, as a boy growing up in a small village in Africa, God was filling Nelson’s heart with a great abundance of life that money and possessions cannot give to a person. God gave Nelson eyes to see the world around him and appreciate the gift of God’s creation. This good beginning was a catalyst to the calling that was on his life.

This morning as I was lying in bed listening for the voice of God, How the Grinch Stole Christmas popped into my head. I lay there thinking about that story and I began to see how this story mirrors what is happening in our country right now. 

Cast of Characters

Grinch – played by the 1%

The people of Whoville – 99%

The Grinch was a very unhappy creature and was suffering from a heart that was too small. In his attempt to make himself feel better, he inflicted pain and suffering on the people of Whoville by stealing from them. He thought that maybe if he used his power to push them down and oppress them by taking away Christmas, then they would be as miserable as he was. The Grinch, in his warped and twisted mind thought that the way to find peace was by having more than his share. So he set out to rob everyone in town of their happiness.

The shocking ending to this story is how, the now, poor and oppressed people of Whoville responded to the Grinch’s greed. Instead of starting a war with the Grinch, they chose to come out into the town square and gather in peace and love as a community in solidarity. It was this love that they shared with one another that finally created change in the mind of the Grinch and ultimately enlarged his heart. He was transformed by the love that the people of Whoville gave to one another.

I pray that as the people of our nation and our world come out into the streets and join together in solidarity that the hearts of the 1% will be opened and we will witness a miracle.

This morning as I was pouring myself a cup of coffee, I asked God to give me hope. Part of my morning ritual is studying the Bible and lately I have been studying the book of Romans. My passage reading for today was the following:

Romans 15:1-6

We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves.  Each of us should please our neighbors for their good, to build them up.  For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: “The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me.” For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope. May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Lord, I pray that you will give those who are strong and have much a heart of compassion and generosity to those who are weak and poor. May we as a community seek to build one another up. God, I pray for you to fill us with hope. Enlarge our hearts and give us your eyes to see one another as you see us.

Changes

Life is made up of a series of changes.  To be alive is to be in a continual process of transformation. So why, as human beings do we resist change when it comes to us?

I had the great joy to spend the past week visiting my son, his wife, and my grandson who, after living in our house for a year, moved to California to pursue their dream of living at the beach. Living with Noah (my grandson) was so much fun. Watching him grow and interacting with him on a daily basis brought life to me so it was a big change when they moved away. I remember when my own children were young and our parents would come for a visit how hard it was for them to say goodbye. I thought that they were a bit melodramatic when it was time to leave because it always brought them to tears. But yesterday when I knelt down to give Noah a kiss and hug goodbye I was swept away with emotion. Now I understand the deep love and connection that grandparents feel toward their grandchildren. In my heart I know that this change is good and right but it still hurts.

During this trip to California, my daughter, Emily, was united in marriage.  She and her husband, Ryan, committed their lives to one another at the beach where my son Zach and his family now live. If they had not moved to this beach, chances are Emily and Ryan would not have been married there. It was a perfect day and as the sun was setting over the Pacific Ocean, Emily and Ryan pledged their love and devotion to one another. What a grand celebration it was to witness my daughter so happy and filled with love. At the reception, we had a time to speak a blessing over Emily and Ryan. My mother offered a blessing to both of them as they began their new life together.  My mother was given the gift of watching their love blossom and grow from its inception. This is because Emily has been living with my mom for the past four years since the death of my dad. My parents had been married for fifty-two years when my dad died so this change was enormous for my mom. Emily coming to live with her was truly a gift from God to ease the pain and loss that she was experiencing. Change is painful when love runs deep. My mom’s love for Emily is deep and losing her to Ryan is good and right but it still hurts.

Life moves forward and change will always come. Zach’s wife, Erika, announced that she was pregnant while we were there. So our second grandchild is being formed in their mother’s womb. The anticipation of who this person will be brings me a sense of wonder. I already have love in my heart for this little one and they are only about the size of a peanut.  I look forward to the day that we will meet face to face.

Letting go is what change is all about. We have to let go of what is so that we can make space for what is to come. When we arrived home last night we were faced with another slight change. A few years ago, our daughter, Marianne, adopted three ducks that a friend of hers was giving away. My husband, Bruce, loves animals and became their caretaker. He always names his animals and has quite a relationship with them. This has brought life to everyone else who lives here. About a year ago one of our ducks escaped from the safety of their pen and our dog Rusty killed her. It was a sad day. Last night history repeated itself and another duck had fallen into the jaws of Rusty. When we got to the duck she was very wounded and we knew that it was time to let her go. It was so sad to see her downcast head as she struggled to breath. So with compassion in his heart, Bruce put her out of her misery. Ducks are social creatures and now we only have one duck so it is time to let her go as well. Our local feed store will find her a new home. The era of the ducks is over.

Everything that is alive will someday die. But without death there is no resurrection. As we learn to accept change in our lives and let go, we make room for new growth. Love is what makes change so difficult. When we love something or someone we do not want to let go. The deeper the love the more difficult the letting go becomes. Our hope rests in knowing that resurrection awaits!

God give us the strength to embrace change rather than resist change believing that new life will come.