A BOX AND A FRIEND

Last year I had the privilege of working with a good friend of mine in a local ministry that she founded. We share a vision to bring light and life to people through the ministry of spiritual direction. I am thankful for her life and vision and to see where God has inspired her and led her in her calling as a healer of souls.

We are very different people and I think that we are good for each other because of these differences. However, during this period of working together we hit some very rocky roads. We began to have disagreements that set us apart from one another to the point where it became clear that our working together was not a good fit for us. This was a very painful experience for me because I love my friend and I lost the chance to work side by side with her. We were able to part ways as friends and bless each other for what the future would hold for both of us.

This reminds me of the story of Paul and Barnabas in the book of Acts. Here were two good friends ministering together to bring strength and health to the people of God. They had dedicated their lives to this work and shared in this ministry together. Then one day they had a decision to make about whom would accompany them in their travels to the various churches. Barnabas wanted to take John, and Paul wanted to take Silas. They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. I can imagine that this parting caused grief for both of these men. They had been friends for a long time and enjoyed the work that they accomplished together for the good of God’s people.

A few years ago my husband, Bruce, founded a non-profit organization to bring healing and wholeness to the Native American community. This came out of a desire to give back to a nation of people that have had so much taken away from them.  Red Tail Woodworks has been evolving over these past few years. Part of the mission and vision of Red Tail is to honor and bring back the culture of the native community. So when a native friend

 of Bruce’s was moving away, he wanted to give him a gift to take with him on his journey. Bruce built him a box that would be used to store many of the items used in native ceremonies. When he gave the box to his friend it knit their hearts together in a very deep and lasting way. This was the first of many boxes to come.

One day as I was reflecting on my experience with my friend I began thinking about the ministry of healing that has come from the boxes that are being created at Red Tail. Bruce has told me that part of the native tradition is that when you learn a new craft, that you are to give your first creation away. So I decided to make a box for my friend. I have never had a desire to be a woodworker. I have admired what my husband can create with a piece of wood but I did not see myself participating in this skilled craft, ever! I know now that a big reason for my avoidance of woodworking was because it was vulnerable for me to try something new. I have no skills in woodworking and so for me to step into this arena I would have to submit myself to Bruce and learn from him. He is a very good teacher. He told me that while I was working on the box to let God speak to me about my friend and to offer prayers for my friend. So this activity became an act of prayer. I would work on the box for a couple of hours each day. This experience was good for me because I got to see my husband in action. He loves working in his shop and so having me experience this with him brought him great delight. Each day that I worked on the box I thought about my friend. For many days the work went smoothly and I was enjoying the process. My box was turning out great and I was feeling pretty good about myself. And then toward the final stages of building the box I made a major mistake. While I was

working on the lid of the box where I was inlaying a symbol for the Creator, I broke the lid in half. I was flooded with emotion. I felt angry that I had made such a stupid mistake. One of my inner demons is the feeling that I am stupid. So being in this position was very humbling for me. I had no grace for myself. I wanted to quit making this box and never attempt woodworking again. Fortunately, I had Bruce by my side encouraging me to stay with it. He picked up the broken pieces and told me that we could glue them together. As I stood there looking at the brokenness of my box, my anger turned to tears. I though about how this box was a metaphor for my relationship with my friend. We had been working together side by side and then one day we were split apart and the damage seemed beyond repair. Bruce helped me glue the lid back together and told me that the lid would actually be stronger in the broken places than it was before it broke. It took a lot of sanding to hide the crack where the lid had split but when the final touches were made, there was not a trace of the damage that could be seen with the naked eye.

Good friends are a treasure. Any lasting relationship will have times of trial and moments when you feel like giving up on each other. Even though Paul and Barnabas went their separate ways they remained friends. Later on we see Paul defending Barnabas’ right to be supported in ministry (1Cor. 9:6).  I gave the box that I made to my friend as a symbol of reconciliation. I still believe in her and the work that she is doing and I know that she still believes in me. My prayer is that the split that broke us apart will be glued back together so that we are stronger than we were before and eventually there will not even be a trace of the damage that was done.