Why Do You Go To Church?

I have been reflecting on the meaning and value of the attending church. Why do so many people go to church? I am curious about all things spiritual so I often ask people that I meet to tell me about their experience of God. Most of the time they tell me about their experience of church. It takes more prodding for them to see their own personal experience of God. In our culture, God and church go hand in hand. So I decided to take some time to reflect on my own experience of God and church.

My earliest recollection of God was through prayer. Every night at bedtime, at the direction of my parents, I would kneel down beside my bed and pray. And when we sat down together for dinner, either my sister or me would say grace. It was always the same prayer for both of these events but it taught me that there is someone greater than myself, God, and I needed to be connected to him. My understanding was that God was male and in charge. I also began to believe that God loved me even though I am not really sure what that meant. 

When I was a little girl growing up in southern California, I went to a Lutheran church. I loved this church because it gave me a sense of belonging. I grew up in a very large extended family. This is a photograph of me with my grandparents and some of my cousins. I am the young one that is crying.

My dad had nine siblings and many of them lived close by us. My grandparents, aunts and uncles, and many of my cousins went to my church. So I identified with my church as a connection to my family. My concept of God at this stage of my spiritual development was pretty simple. God had something to do with a sense of belonging and family. At this time in my life, church was not an option. Nearly every Sunday morning we would get up early, get dressed up, and off we would go to church. I would have preferred to sleep in instead of dragging myself out of bed and I hated getting dressed up but once we got there I would make that best of the experience. I really looked forward to getting home from church because I could get out of my Sunday clothes and get comfortable again. Also, I looked forward to the Sunday newspaper that was waiting for us. I loved the Sunday newspaper because it contained the Funnies. This was the cartoon section of the paper, and on Sundays it was in color!

 I remember sitting in Sunday school with my cousin but I cannot recall, in much detail, one lesson from that experience. My cousin always had better attendance than I did so I felt a bit inferior to her. I have a vague recall of many Bible stories told on flannel graph boards but none of these stories touched me much, or so I thought. I remember sitting in the church service and listening to the sermon until my head would start swimming and I would fall asleep with my head resting on my mother’s lap. But the best memories I have from those years at Valley Lutheran Church were of playing in the parking lot with my cousins after church was over. Or, of sneaking up in the balcony during the service with my cousins where it felt like we were free from the restraint of adult supervision. My spirit felt free when I was not being restrained.

I don’t remember going to any church socials during those early years but I do remember going to family picnics. The Andersen family was big, so we would have family picnics. There is still an annual Andersen family picnic every September. These picnics were always so much fun because I got to spend time with my cousins. My grandparents had thirty-four grandchildren and I was number thirty-three. This gave me many older cousins to look up to and learn from. I loved my time with them. These were my people and I knew that I belonged to this tribe.

When I was around six or seven years old, my grampa died. At that time my family’s tradition was to have an open casket funeral. I remember walking into the church with my parents and my sister and seeing my grampa lying in his casket. This was my first experience of seeing someone dead. After everyone arrived at the church, they moved the casket to the front of the sanctuary and when the service was over, everyone walked up the center aisle for one last look at grampa. As we walked up the aisle that day I felt the deep sadness in the room. I learned that death is a part of life. I learned that it is good for us to mourn our losses together. I learned that letting go hurts.

            So as a small child, going to church was about love and belonging. It was about relationships and knowing that I was loved and that I belonged. It wasn’t about doctrine. It wasn’t about salvation. It wasn't about heaven or hell. All of this would come later.

So what do we want our children to know about God?

• We are God’s children and we belong to God.
• God loves us and welcomes us.
• God loves all of creation. 
• When we enjoy each other’s company we are experiencing      the presence of God.
• When we mourn, God mourns with us.

Obviously the list could go on and on, these are just a few thoughts I have as I reflect on my early years. Jesus loved children in their simplicity. He valued them when others did not. Jesus’ own disciples failed to see value in children but Jesus sought to bless them. Jesus was refreshed by the presence of children. He saw their pure innocence and this brought him great delight.  We all know the value of the presence of children in our lives. They bring us back to what really matters to us most, the sense of love and belonging.

“Permit the children to come to Me; do not hinder them; for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all.” And He took them in His arms and began blessing them, laying His hands on them.

Why do you go to church?

Violence Against Women

Anita Hill

     I love watching movies because other people's stories inform me about my life. I recently viewed the HBO movie entitled, Confirmation. The movie is about the 1991 hearings conducted by the Senate Judiciary Committee regarding the allegations brought against Clarance Thomas of Sexual Harassment by Anita Hill. I remember watching this hearing back in 1991. Anita Hill was in her mid thirties back then and so was I. As the story goes, there are two opposing views on what really happened between Anita Hill and Clarance Thomas. It was basically a he said, she said, situation. So when a movie is made about an historical event there will always be controversy. People on both sides come out to defend their position. 

     What struck me in reliving this historical moment was that Ms. Hill did not go looking for trouble; it came knocking on her doorstep. It did not go well for her to speak out against the powers that be; that being the Republican party and the President of the United States. This was a woman who was the valedictorian of her high school graduating class, graduated with honors in college and then graduated with honors from Yale Law School. I doubt that it was ever her dream to bring down a potential supreme court judge. In the years following her testimony at the hearings, she received death threats, bomb threats, and sexual violence threats. Her reputation was drug through the mud. This was a high price to pay for an aspiring young woman. Her decision to speak out changed the course of her life. 

     Another interesting fact from the movie, and yes, I checked and it was factual, was Ms. Hill's willingness to take a lie detector test regarding her testimony. She was found to be truthful. Clarance Thomas refused to take such a test.

     So how prevalent is violence against women in our world? The answer to this question is easy to find. Just listen to the women in your own life. Listen to their stories of sexual harassment, of gender discrimination, of sexual abuse. These are struggles that all women share around the globe.

     I have my own stories. Growing up female had its challenges. When I was a very small child, I was at the home of a close family friend. The man of the house was a deviant man. He like to expose himself in public. One day while I was at his house he walked out of the bathroom toward me with his pants down. I was very scared and confused at his behavior. At the time I didn't tell anyone. This created a new and lasting fear in me. 

     Later in my life, when I was thirteen and becoming a young woman, life with boys became quite difficult and confusing. Just like every young girl my age, I wanted to be liked and accepted by boys. I still remember the first time a boy groped me at a party.   These years of my life were spent fending off unwanted sexual advances from boys. Often times boys were very aggressive with me sexually and this created more fear in me. I spent a lot of time running away from boys. I lost boyfriends because I didn't want to engage in sexual activity. These are just a few examples of the indignities that I have suffered at the hands of boys. 

     Throughout my adult life there have been many more times that I have been misjudged by men because of my gender. I was fortunate to find the love of my life in my early twenties and I have enjoyed the love and affection of this man for the past thirty-seven years. I am thankful for the kindness, gentleness and respect that he has given to me as his wife and as a woman. We have had many conversations about the struggles that women face in our world. We have not always agreed but we are always willing to listen to one another. 

     The struggles that I have encountered in my life pale in comparison to what many woman have had to endure. As a spiritual director I have listened to many women and the suffering that they have lived through. My hope is that we can find strength and solidarity as women by sharing our stories. 

Do you have a story to tell?

Love Keeps No Record Of Wrongs...

     

     I spent this past month visiting with my daughter and her family in Tennessee. My two year old granddaughter, June was learning about the consequences of hurtful behavior. So needless to say she was encouraged to apologize for hurting others. She would come to me and say, "Sorry Grammers" and I would say, "I forgive you." Since she is only two, she still repeats what she hears. So after a few times of this pattern, she started says, Sorry Grammers, I forgive you. She obviously does not understand what the words, "I forgive you" mean yet.

     I've been thinking about forgiveness lately. I have heard countless sermons on the topic over the years. Being able to say that we are sorry is a humbling experience and forgiveness is something that never gets easy. It is something that we grow into over the course of a lifetime. We will never run out of opportunities to exercise forgiveness because as flawed human beings, we end up doing and saying things that bring suffering to others. This means that we will also never run out of opportunities to be forgiven as well.

     Is it possible to forgive and forget? As a child, I heard this motto often. After all, the Bible tells us that God forgives us and forgets our transgressions. So is it possible for us to forgive and forget? I mean lets face it when someone deeply wounds us there will often be lasting scars to remind of the offense. The good thing about scars though, is that they leave a mark but the pain goes away. 

     The way I see it there are a couple ways to walk in forgiveness. We can say that we forgive and continue to pick at the scabs of our wounds, keeping the pain alive and well. This prolongs the healing process. We do this by dwelling on the offenses of others. We don't let them off the hook. We choose to remember the offense by talking or thinking about it ad nauseam. So if and when another conflict arises we are quick to bring up past offenses. I see this as incomplete forgiveness. Maybe over time we quietly let go of the past, maybe not.

     Another way to walk in forgiveness is to clean the wound out. I see this as an act of reconciliation. I personally find it very helpful to sit down with the person that I am in conflict with and seek to find deep understanding of one another. I know that this is risky business but the rewards are plentiful. So often conflict in relationships leaves open wounds for both parties involved. Having the courage to listen and to be heard can produce a deep cleansing and healing affect on each person. This is the hard work of lasting forgiveness! I am aware that this may not always be necessary for true healing to occur. It is possible to let go of the past and move forward without this step. The key is whether we are able to move toward one another in love. Have we let go of past offenses? Or are they having a lingering effect in our hearts hindering love?

     So the forgetting part of forgiveness is really about letting go. When we hang on to the past and carry grudges toward others, our forgiveness is incomplete. We may be on the road toward forgiving but we have not crossed the finish line.

I gave my granddaughter the shirt she is wearing in the photo above. It says, "Love is everything"