Love Keeps No Record Of Wrongs...

     

     I spent this past month visiting with my daughter and her family in Tennessee. My two year old granddaughter, June was learning about the consequences of hurtful behavior. So needless to say she was encouraged to apologize for hurting others. She would come to me and say, "Sorry Grammers" and I would say, "I forgive you." Since she is only two, she still repeats what she hears. So after a few times of this pattern, she started says, Sorry Grammers, I forgive you. She obviously does not understand what the words, "I forgive you" mean yet.

     I've been thinking about forgiveness lately. I have heard countless sermons on the topic over the years. Being able to say that we are sorry is a humbling experience and forgiveness is something that never gets easy. It is something that we grow into over the course of a lifetime. We will never run out of opportunities to exercise forgiveness because as flawed human beings, we end up doing and saying things that bring suffering to others. This means that we will also never run out of opportunities to be forgiven as well.

     Is it possible to forgive and forget? As a child, I heard this motto often. After all, the Bible tells us that God forgives us and forgets our transgressions. So is it possible for us to forgive and forget? I mean lets face it when someone deeply wounds us there will often be lasting scars to remind of the offense. The good thing about scars though, is that they leave a mark but the pain goes away. 

     The way I see it there are a couple ways to walk in forgiveness. We can say that we forgive and continue to pick at the scabs of our wounds, keeping the pain alive and well. This prolongs the healing process. We do this by dwelling on the offenses of others. We don't let them off the hook. We choose to remember the offense by talking or thinking about it ad nauseam. So if and when another conflict arises we are quick to bring up past offenses. I see this as incomplete forgiveness. Maybe over time we quietly let go of the past, maybe not.

     Another way to walk in forgiveness is to clean the wound out. I see this as an act of reconciliation. I personally find it very helpful to sit down with the person that I am in conflict with and seek to find deep understanding of one another. I know that this is risky business but the rewards are plentiful. So often conflict in relationships leaves open wounds for both parties involved. Having the courage to listen and to be heard can produce a deep cleansing and healing affect on each person. This is the hard work of lasting forgiveness! I am aware that this may not always be necessary for true healing to occur. It is possible to let go of the past and move forward without this step. The key is whether we are able to move toward one another in love. Have we let go of past offenses? Or are they having a lingering effect in our hearts hindering love?

     So the forgetting part of forgiveness is really about letting go. When we hang on to the past and carry grudges toward others, our forgiveness is incomplete. We may be on the road toward forgiving but we have not crossed the finish line.

I gave my granddaughter the shirt she is wearing in the photo above. It says, "Love is everything"