Violence Against Women

Anita Hill

     I love watching movies because other people's stories inform me about my life. I recently viewed the HBO movie entitled, Confirmation. The movie is about the 1991 hearings conducted by the Senate Judiciary Committee regarding the allegations brought against Clarance Thomas of Sexual Harassment by Anita Hill. I remember watching this hearing back in 1991. Anita Hill was in her mid thirties back then and so was I. As the story goes, there are two opposing views on what really happened between Anita Hill and Clarance Thomas. It was basically a he said, she said, situation. So when a movie is made about an historical event there will always be controversy. People on both sides come out to defend their position. 

     What struck me in reliving this historical moment was that Ms. Hill did not go looking for trouble; it came knocking on her doorstep. It did not go well for her to speak out against the powers that be; that being the Republican party and the President of the United States. This was a woman who was the valedictorian of her high school graduating class, graduated with honors in college and then graduated with honors from Yale Law School. I doubt that it was ever her dream to bring down a potential supreme court judge. In the years following her testimony at the hearings, she received death threats, bomb threats, and sexual violence threats. Her reputation was drug through the mud. This was a high price to pay for an aspiring young woman. Her decision to speak out changed the course of her life. 

     Another interesting fact from the movie, and yes, I checked and it was factual, was Ms. Hill's willingness to take a lie detector test regarding her testimony. She was found to be truthful. Clarance Thomas refused to take such a test.

     So how prevalent is violence against women in our world? The answer to this question is easy to find. Just listen to the women in your own life. Listen to their stories of sexual harassment, of gender discrimination, of sexual abuse. These are struggles that all women share around the globe.

     I have my own stories. Growing up female had its challenges. When I was a very small child, I was at the home of a close family friend. The man of the house was a deviant man. He like to expose himself in public. One day while I was at his house he walked out of the bathroom toward me with his pants down. I was very scared and confused at his behavior. At the time I didn't tell anyone. This created a new and lasting fear in me. 

     Later in my life, when I was thirteen and becoming a young woman, life with boys became quite difficult and confusing. Just like every young girl my age, I wanted to be liked and accepted by boys. I still remember the first time a boy groped me at a party.   These years of my life were spent fending off unwanted sexual advances from boys. Often times boys were very aggressive with me sexually and this created more fear in me. I spent a lot of time running away from boys. I lost boyfriends because I didn't want to engage in sexual activity. These are just a few examples of the indignities that I have suffered at the hands of boys. 

     Throughout my adult life there have been many more times that I have been misjudged by men because of my gender. I was fortunate to find the love of my life in my early twenties and I have enjoyed the love and affection of this man for the past thirty-seven years. I am thankful for the kindness, gentleness and respect that he has given to me as his wife and as a woman. We have had many conversations about the struggles that women face in our world. We have not always agreed but we are always willing to listen to one another. 

     The struggles that I have encountered in my life pale in comparison to what many woman have had to endure. As a spiritual director I have listened to many women and the suffering that they have lived through. My hope is that we can find strength and solidarity as women by sharing our stories. 

Do you have a story to tell?

Forever Young?

     

Catherine Eula Andersen

     I was born in 1957. Today I am 57 years old. I have been thinking about how good it is to be alive. Getting older is a privilege that I want to fully embrace. They say that you shouldn't ever ask a woman how old she is. Why not? As I grow older I am thankful for each new day. We live in a culture that worships youth. There are many great things about being young. The younger you are, the less time you have been exposed to the suffering in the world. The innocence of a child is a beautiful thing. The younger you are, the more your body responds well to life. These are wonderful times in life to be savored and fully enjoyed. But I do not want to be forever young. 

     

     I do not wear makeup or color my hair to give myself a more youthful appearance. I do not necessarily believe that these are wrong or bad things to do. I just prefer to age naturally and the freedom that this brings. How I look is not who I am. I have been given the gift of 57 years and in those years I have had many adventures and life experiences that I could not have had if I stayed forever young. Life is a progression. If we choose to progress through life naturally we will see changes occur in our outward appearance. I am choosing to embrace those changes and learn to love who I am. Without my gray hair and my wrinkled skin, I would not be here. I need my body to live on the earth. So I choose to love the body that I have instead of seeking after an ideal image of what my culture says I should look like. I have played that game and it is impossible to win. 

     Jesus had something to say to those who spent to much time cleaning up the outside without concern for what is happening on the inside: 

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean. “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.
                                                                   Matthew 23:25-28

     

Joan Rivers

     Recently, comedian, Joan Rivers passed away at the age of 81. I grew up listening to her telling jokes and poking fun at life. She was very good at making us laugh. I also heard her talk about her appearance and that she would be working hard until the day she died to appear forever young. This makes me sad. She had to go through many surgeries to keep up her appearance. I wish she could have been free from the fear and shame of aging that our culture dishes out to us. I wish that she could have been her true self on the outside as well as the inside. In the end her body was tired and it did not matter what she looked like.

Eula Smith

     My grandmother lived to be nearly 96 years old. She was one of the most beautiful people I have ever known. She was influenced by her culture and she did care about how she looked. She was a snappy dresser and had a great sense of style. I loved that about her. However, what I loved about her more, was her spirit. She was full of energy and vitality. She always had time for me and she was one of the best listeners I have ever known. She taught me how to listen well. She would not have liked this photo very much because you can see her age. I love this photo of her because you can see her age. I am glad that she lived such a long life. Her influence in my life continues.

     Now I am a Spiritual Director, which is basically a listener. The purpose of meeting with a spiritual director is to nurture ones inner life.  I listen to people's lives unfold as they tell me their stories. I have the privilege of participating in the spiritual growth that transpires when people take the time to look deeper at their lives. I love what I do.  I am also a listener for many other people in my life. I listen to my husband as we walk together through life. I listen to my children as they share the many ups and downs of young adulthood. I listen to my grandchildren as they tell me their stories with great excitement. I listen to my mom and my mother-in-law as they live out their old age and the challenges that this time brings. And I listen to my friends who bring me strength and encouragement along the way. This is how I choose to love others. I give them my time and attention. I trust God to give them the spiritual nourishment that they need.

      So today I am celebrating my life! I look forward to what is ahead of me. I do not know where life will take me next and so I must wait and watch my life unfold. 

Cheers!

Spiritual Seekers

“A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho. Robbers attacked him. They stripped off his clothes and beat him. Then they went away, leaving him almost dead.  A priest happened to be going down that same road. When he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. A Levite also came by. When he saw the man, he passed by on the other side too.

 But a Samaritan came to the place where the man was. When he saw the man, he felt sorry for him. He went to him, poured olive oil and wine on his wounds and bandaged them. Then he put the man on his own donkey. He took him to an inn and took care of him.  The next day he took out two silver coins. He gave them to the owner of the inn. ‘Take care of him,’ he said. ‘When I return, I will pay you back for any extra expense you may have.’
                                                            Luke 10:30-35 
                                           

     This morning I read the parable of the Good Samaritan. What struck me as I was reading the story is how I identified with the man who was beat up and robbed and left half dead on the side of the road. The great thing about the parables of Jesus is that we can find ourselves in all of the characters at different times in our lives. Today I found myself in two characters. 

     First as the person half dead on the side of the road. This is how I have felt about my experience with the evangelical church. You see, I am a woman and when I made the decision to follow Jesus in my adolescent years, I had no idea where that would take me. The road that I have been traveling on has left me wounded. The hierarchal, male dominated, evangelical world has, at times, left me feeling half dead. I am not just a woman, I am a woman who aspired to leadership in the church. So you can imagine my surprise when I discovered that I was limited as a leader because of my gender. It seems that it was acceptable for me to lead as long as it was under the direction of my husband and we were leading together. In essence, I needed to be somewhat invisible. 

     So after many years of this oppressive situation, I decided to look outside of the church community to find my vocation. I became a school teacher and was pleasantly surprised at how much I was valued in that environment. This was a stark contrast to my experience in the church. So this was my new path and it worked quite well for a few years. 

     In 2005, our family moved to another state because of the tragic and sudden death of my brother-in-law. This life change caused me to take some time and seek God's direction for my life. I had heard about a ministry of spiritual direction and was curious to find out what this was all about. So I went to a week long school of spiritual direction with Dr. Larry Crabb in Colorado. He told me that if I wanted to be a Spiritual Director vocationally then I would need to be credentialed.  So the next step was for me to attend George Fox Evangelical Seminary. To be honest, I never intended to look toward the church again for affirmation or calling vocationally. 

     I spent my years in seminary looking closely at how God sees women and how God sees me. I also met with a Spiritual Director. Over the years, I have met with a few Spiritual Directors and have found healing and wholeness for my soul. They have been my Good Samaritans. 

     You see, the thing about the Samaritans is that they were outside of the temple. The Jewish community hated them and so for the Samaritan to be the hero was an assault to the Jews listening to this story. I did not find empowerment from my previous Pastors (the priest in the parable), instead I got beat up. I was told that I was ambitious and impatient and as a woman, I would never be one of them. I did not find empowerment from the elders in my church (the Levite in the parable) instead I was ignored. I admit that I was ambitious and that I can be very impatient sometimes. I am reminded of the words of Martin Luther King Jr. He was a man of great patience and yet understood that patience does not mean accepting injustice anywhere you find it. When you point out injustice, you make enemies.

"We have no alternative but to protest. For many years we have shown an amazing patience... But we come here tonight to be saved from that patience that makes us patient with anything less than freedom and justice."
        - Montgomery, Alabama, December 5, 1955

     I did find empowerment through meeting with my Spiritual Directors. These woman and men helped me to see who I am and who God is. They listened to me and shed light on my life. They were the mercy of God to me.     

     I have been patiently waiting for the evangelical church to see the injustice that is inflicted on women when it comes to leadership. I am tired of arguing over the word pastor and elder. I read a book written by Eugene Peterson several years ago and he defined the true calling of a pastor is first and foremost to be a Spiritual Director.

     So the second person that I relate to in this parable is the Good Samaritan. As a woman in the church I have found myself as an outsider looking in. I have not found the church to be very open and receptive to the ministry of spiritual direction which is essentially a one on one pastoral ministry. I tend to be an idealist and my dream is for the church to catch the vision for the ministry of spiritual direction. However, this has not deterred me from the ministry itself. God has brought me spiritual seekers who are hungry for God and desire to go deeper in their spiritual lives. I now have the privilege of walking with people in the ministry of spiritual direction as a Director. As I sit with individuals and listen to their story unfold, I see the spirit of God transform their lives. I see God bring freedom, and healing to their souls. I see the power of God's love move mountains. I love this ministry and I am blessed by every person that walks through my door to meet with me. When you listen to the heart of another you are entering holy ground. God is the true director in these times and I am a participant. I am grateful to every person that has invited me into this space with them as they journey toward healing and wholeness. I am thankful for my directors who showed me the love, kindness and compassion of Jesus and ushered in healing to my soul.

     Jesus told this parable in response to the question of how to receive eternal life. He answered by telling them to love God with all of their heart, soul, mind and strength and to love your neighbor as you love yourself. The ministry of spiritual direction offers us the opportunity to reflect upon our lives and see how this is or is not a reality in our lives. Jesus said that the kingdom of God is within you. So to take the inward journey is to find the kingdom of God.

If you are looking for a place to seek God's presence through spiritual direction my door is open...