A House Divided

A house divided against itself, cannot stand. I believe this government cannot endure, permanently, half slave and half free. I do not expect the Union to be dissolved — I do not expect the house to fall — but I do expect it will cease to be divided. It will become all one thing or all the other. Either the opponents of slavery will arrest the further spread of it, and place it where the public mind shall rest in the belief that it is in the course of ultimate extinction; or its advocates will push it forward, till it shall become lawful in all the States, old as well as new — North as well as South. — Abraham Lincoln

     The past few days have left me feeling quite discouraged. We are a nation that is divided against itself. It feels like the divide is getting wider by the day. My heart longs for a change in how we communicate with one another as fellow citizens and as human beings. We need leadership that will bring us together and unite us once again. We are divided by ideologies and political parties. We are divided by racial tensions and mistrust. We are divided by our socioeconomic status. We are divided by our religious beliefs. We are divided by our gender. We are divided! How will we stand?

     The answer is to begin a new conversation with one another. We must turn toward those whom we do not agree with and begin to listen. We all want to be heard and understood. I believe that the majority of people want to do justice and live in a world of kindness and compassion. So we must raise up leaders that will lead us toward these goals. 

     When Abraham Lincoln gave this speech in 1858 it was in hopes of becoming a US senator. He lost the race. However, he held onto his belief in uniting the country against slavery and continued the struggle to achieve that ultimate goal. A few years later, he got the chance to put his leadership into practice as the President of the United States. It took a bloody war that claimed 620,000 American lives before we could find our way to peace and unity again. Ultimately Lincoln paid the price for unity with his life. A wealthy, angry, confederate actor and a few of his friends plotted an assassination. You know how that turned out. 

     Lincoln's concept of a house divided was not original. He was quoting a very famous man named Jesus. As the story goes, Jesus was going around town healing people and showing kindness and compassion to those in need. This activity instilled fear in the rich and powerful leaders of his day. They accused Jesus of doing the devil's work. The bible tells us that Jesus knew their thoughts and replied with these famous words:  

“Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand.”  Matthew 12:25 

Jesus had a vision for peace and unity on earth. This is the message that he preached and lived. He was what some people would call a "do gooder." He walked the earth doing good, seeking justice, and caring for those in need. Doing the right thing can be very costly. The rich and powerful men of  Jesus day got together and plotted an assassination. You know how that turned out.

     Hope is what keeps us moving forward. Hope comes from resurrection. After the Civil War, the country was resurrected from the ashes. We came to see that we needed to find a way forward out of the chains of slavery. While we have made great strides in that direction, we still have a long way to go. Just look at all the unrest that we find ourselves in today. We must work together to bring justice and unity and peace to our nation. Lincoln's vision and leadership was to bring hope and unity to America. Jesus' vision and leadership was to bring hope and unity to the world. Out of the ashes of the crucification came the hope of resurrection! Hope is about new beginnings. Both of these men gave up their lives to see their vision fulfilled. Let us move forward together in this time of social unrest for the  hope  of our country and ultimately for the hope of the world!

Why Do You Go To Church?

I have been reflecting on the meaning and value of the attending church. Why do so many people go to church? I am curious about all things spiritual so I often ask people that I meet to tell me about their experience of God. Most of the time they tell me about their experience of church. It takes more prodding for them to see their own personal experience of God. In our culture, God and church go hand in hand. So I decided to take some time to reflect on my own experience of God and church.

My earliest recollection of God was through prayer. Every night at bedtime, at the direction of my parents, I would kneel down beside my bed and pray. And when we sat down together for dinner, either my sister or me would say grace. It was always the same prayer for both of these events but it taught me that there is someone greater than myself, God, and I needed to be connected to him. My understanding was that God was male and in charge. I also began to believe that God loved me even though I am not really sure what that meant. 

When I was a little girl growing up in southern California, I went to a Lutheran church. I loved this church because it gave me a sense of belonging. I grew up in a very large extended family. This is a photograph of me with my grandparents and some of my cousins. I am the young one that is crying.

My dad had nine siblings and many of them lived close by us. My grandparents, aunts and uncles, and many of my cousins went to my church. So I identified with my church as a connection to my family. My concept of God at this stage of my spiritual development was pretty simple. God had something to do with a sense of belonging and family. At this time in my life, church was not an option. Nearly every Sunday morning we would get up early, get dressed up, and off we would go to church. I would have preferred to sleep in instead of dragging myself out of bed and I hated getting dressed up but once we got there I would make that best of the experience. I really looked forward to getting home from church because I could get out of my Sunday clothes and get comfortable again. Also, I looked forward to the Sunday newspaper that was waiting for us. I loved the Sunday newspaper because it contained the Funnies. This was the cartoon section of the paper, and on Sundays it was in color!

 I remember sitting in Sunday school with my cousin but I cannot recall, in much detail, one lesson from that experience. My cousin always had better attendance than I did so I felt a bit inferior to her. I have a vague recall of many Bible stories told on flannel graph boards but none of these stories touched me much, or so I thought. I remember sitting in the church service and listening to the sermon until my head would start swimming and I would fall asleep with my head resting on my mother’s lap. But the best memories I have from those years at Valley Lutheran Church were of playing in the parking lot with my cousins after church was over. Or, of sneaking up in the balcony during the service with my cousins where it felt like we were free from the restraint of adult supervision. My spirit felt free when I was not being restrained.

I don’t remember going to any church socials during those early years but I do remember going to family picnics. The Andersen family was big, so we would have family picnics. There is still an annual Andersen family picnic every September. These picnics were always so much fun because I got to spend time with my cousins. My grandparents had thirty-four grandchildren and I was number thirty-three. This gave me many older cousins to look up to and learn from. I loved my time with them. These were my people and I knew that I belonged to this tribe.

When I was around six or seven years old, my grampa died. At that time my family’s tradition was to have an open casket funeral. I remember walking into the church with my parents and my sister and seeing my grampa lying in his casket. This was my first experience of seeing someone dead. After everyone arrived at the church, they moved the casket to the front of the sanctuary and when the service was over, everyone walked up the center aisle for one last look at grampa. As we walked up the aisle that day I felt the deep sadness in the room. I learned that death is a part of life. I learned that it is good for us to mourn our losses together. I learned that letting go hurts.

            So as a small child, going to church was about love and belonging. It was about relationships and knowing that I was loved and that I belonged. It wasn’t about doctrine. It wasn’t about salvation. It wasn't about heaven or hell. All of this would come later.

So what do we want our children to know about God?

• We are God’s children and we belong to God.
• God loves us and welcomes us.
• God loves all of creation. 
• When we enjoy each other’s company we are experiencing      the presence of God.
• When we mourn, God mourns with us.

Obviously the list could go on and on, these are just a few thoughts I have as I reflect on my early years. Jesus loved children in their simplicity. He valued them when others did not. Jesus’ own disciples failed to see value in children but Jesus sought to bless them. Jesus was refreshed by the presence of children. He saw their pure innocence and this brought him great delight.  We all know the value of the presence of children in our lives. They bring us back to what really matters to us most, the sense of love and belonging.

“Permit the children to come to Me; do not hinder them; for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all.” And He took them in His arms and began blessing them, laying His hands on them.

Why do you go to church?

Violence Against Women

Anita Hill

     I love watching movies because other people's stories inform me about my life. I recently viewed the HBO movie entitled, Confirmation. The movie is about the 1991 hearings conducted by the Senate Judiciary Committee regarding the allegations brought against Clarance Thomas of Sexual Harassment by Anita Hill. I remember watching this hearing back in 1991. Anita Hill was in her mid thirties back then and so was I. As the story goes, there are two opposing views on what really happened between Anita Hill and Clarance Thomas. It was basically a he said, she said, situation. So when a movie is made about an historical event there will always be controversy. People on both sides come out to defend their position. 

     What struck me in reliving this historical moment was that Ms. Hill did not go looking for trouble; it came knocking on her doorstep. It did not go well for her to speak out against the powers that be; that being the Republican party and the President of the United States. This was a woman who was the valedictorian of her high school graduating class, graduated with honors in college and then graduated with honors from Yale Law School. I doubt that it was ever her dream to bring down a potential supreme court judge. In the years following her testimony at the hearings, she received death threats, bomb threats, and sexual violence threats. Her reputation was drug through the mud. This was a high price to pay for an aspiring young woman. Her decision to speak out changed the course of her life. 

     Another interesting fact from the movie, and yes, I checked and it was factual, was Ms. Hill's willingness to take a lie detector test regarding her testimony. She was found to be truthful. Clarance Thomas refused to take such a test.

     So how prevalent is violence against women in our world? The answer to this question is easy to find. Just listen to the women in your own life. Listen to their stories of sexual harassment, of gender discrimination, of sexual abuse. These are struggles that all women share around the globe.

     I have my own stories. Growing up female had its challenges. When I was a very small child, I was at the home of a close family friend. The man of the house was a deviant man. He like to expose himself in public. One day while I was at his house he walked out of the bathroom toward me with his pants down. I was very scared and confused at his behavior. At the time I didn't tell anyone. This created a new and lasting fear in me. 

     Later in my life, when I was thirteen and becoming a young woman, life with boys became quite difficult and confusing. Just like every young girl my age, I wanted to be liked and accepted by boys. I still remember the first time a boy groped me at a party.   These years of my life were spent fending off unwanted sexual advances from boys. Often times boys were very aggressive with me sexually and this created more fear in me. I spent a lot of time running away from boys. I lost boyfriends because I didn't want to engage in sexual activity. These are just a few examples of the indignities that I have suffered at the hands of boys. 

     Throughout my adult life there have been many more times that I have been misjudged by men because of my gender. I was fortunate to find the love of my life in my early twenties and I have enjoyed the love and affection of this man for the past thirty-seven years. I am thankful for the kindness, gentleness and respect that he has given to me as his wife and as a woman. We have had many conversations about the struggles that women face in our world. We have not always agreed but we are always willing to listen to one another. 

     The struggles that I have encountered in my life pale in comparison to what many woman have had to endure. As a spiritual director I have listened to many women and the suffering that they have lived through. My hope is that we can find strength and solidarity as women by sharing our stories. 

Do you have a story to tell?

Love Keeps No Record Of Wrongs...

     

     I spent this past month visiting with my daughter and her family in Tennessee. My two year old granddaughter, June was learning about the consequences of hurtful behavior. So needless to say she was encouraged to apologize for hurting others. She would come to me and say, "Sorry Grammers" and I would say, "I forgive you." Since she is only two, she still repeats what she hears. So after a few times of this pattern, she started says, Sorry Grammers, I forgive you. She obviously does not understand what the words, "I forgive you" mean yet.

     I've been thinking about forgiveness lately. I have heard countless sermons on the topic over the years. Being able to say that we are sorry is a humbling experience and forgiveness is something that never gets easy. It is something that we grow into over the course of a lifetime. We will never run out of opportunities to exercise forgiveness because as flawed human beings, we end up doing and saying things that bring suffering to others. This means that we will also never run out of opportunities to be forgiven as well.

     Is it possible to forgive and forget? As a child, I heard this motto often. After all, the Bible tells us that God forgives us and forgets our transgressions. So is it possible for us to forgive and forget? I mean lets face it when someone deeply wounds us there will often be lasting scars to remind of the offense. The good thing about scars though, is that they leave a mark but the pain goes away. 

     The way I see it there are a couple ways to walk in forgiveness. We can say that we forgive and continue to pick at the scabs of our wounds, keeping the pain alive and well. This prolongs the healing process. We do this by dwelling on the offenses of others. We don't let them off the hook. We choose to remember the offense by talking or thinking about it ad nauseam. So if and when another conflict arises we are quick to bring up past offenses. I see this as incomplete forgiveness. Maybe over time we quietly let go of the past, maybe not.

     Another way to walk in forgiveness is to clean the wound out. I see this as an act of reconciliation. I personally find it very helpful to sit down with the person that I am in conflict with and seek to find deep understanding of one another. I know that this is risky business but the rewards are plentiful. So often conflict in relationships leaves open wounds for both parties involved. Having the courage to listen and to be heard can produce a deep cleansing and healing affect on each person. This is the hard work of lasting forgiveness! I am aware that this may not always be necessary for true healing to occur. It is possible to let go of the past and move forward without this step. The key is whether we are able to move toward one another in love. Have we let go of past offenses? Or are they having a lingering effect in our hearts hindering love?

     So the forgetting part of forgiveness is really about letting go. When we hang on to the past and carry grudges toward others, our forgiveness is incomplete. We may be on the road toward forgiving but we have not crossed the finish line.

I gave my granddaughter the shirt she is wearing in the photo above. It says, "Love is everything"

Courageous living!

     Back in the seventies, when I was a high school student, we had to choose a major for our high school years. I don't think highs schools do that anymore. I chose Fine Arts as my major. I couldn't believe that I could choose to study the arts and get away with it. I loved all of the performing arts and being involved in music and drama made school an enjoyable experience for me. I felt most alive when I was singing and dancing and playing sports. These activities have always been in my life in one way or another. One of those ways has been through my children.

     My daughter, Emily, has been writing songs and singing them since she was a little girl. She has been given the gift of song. I love to listen to her share her latest creations because they give me a glimpse into her heart. She is a very soulful person and expresses the depth of her inner life in her music. Being her mother, I have had the privilege of seeing her grow as a person and as an artist. 

     The life of an artist is challenging on many levels. We live in a world of pragmatism and judgment. So choosing to open your life up through artistic expression can seem foolish to some. We have all heard the term "starving artist" and so many young artists are nipped in the bud because of the odds of financial success. 

     I believe that being successful is more than monetary gain. Don't get me wrong, we all need to find ways to support ourselves through hard work and determination. For an artist this is also true. I have heard that to become good at any skill you need to invest 10,000 hours of practice. So I have great respect for people that stick to their craft long enough to become a true artist. Emily, you are a true artist and a true gift to me. 

     I have always challenged my children to listen to themselves and to live from their true hearts. I believe that every person alive has something inside of themselves that the world needs. It is our responsibility as fellow travelers to help each other figure out what that gift is and then to cheer each other on with our love and support.

   

 I am so excited to share Emily's new music video with all of you. This is a song off of her new CD entitled, Loving Like Fools. 

    

Here, in her own words, is the history of this song:

Did You Ever Love Me

This song remains one that is the most dear to my heart,  perhaps because it feels so exposing and vulnerable. I wrote this song in the midst of deep heartache. I’d just broken up with the guy that I thought could be my forever, but knew deep down should never be. I knew that breaking up was the right and necessary thing to do, but as we can all attest, the right thing is rarely the easiest one in these instances. As I wrote this I couldn’t help but wondering, hoping, that maybe, just maybe he’d show up at my door ready to change, to be the man that I needed. But days went by, then weeks and all I was left with were questions and missing puzzle pieces, that left me brokenhearted, wondering what, if any of it was ever real at all.

Here is the link to the video, take a listen:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8q_fRwA9l8


The completed album will be released on Friday December 4th. She wrote these songs while working through a painful break up. So this music is written from the heart about life, love, and the risk and rewards of relationships!
     It takes great courage to live from your true self. So thank you to all artists that risk living in a vulnerable space so that the world can receive beautiful works of art. Music and art, song and dance, and storytelling are what make life interesting!

     

Ending the Cold War In Relationships!

Every day, somewhere in the world, an incident occurs that we know as a hit and run. Usually the incident is an accident but there are also occasions when the hit was intentional. When a person causes harm or death by striking someone with their vehicle, it is lawful to stop and exchange information with one another. The right course of action is to restore peace to one another and to make restitution for the damages that have occurred. So why do people chose to run? I think that the primary reason is out of fear. When you find yourself at fault in a situation it can be extremely difficult to take responsibility for your actions, it's much easier to run.

I have found that this can also describe what happens in relationships at times. Have you ever experienced a hit and run type of relationship? Have you ever had someone that you love hurl accusations and abuses toward you, and then cut you off? Have you been told that your point of view is not relevant or welcomed? Or maybe you are the person who has done the hitting. What this creates is a personal Cold War between people.  

The term Cold War, describes tension without large scale fighting. The Cold War began just two short years after World War II. The Soviet Union and the United States were allies in defeating the Nazis. Unfortunately, the relationship between these two countries deteriorated quickly. The reason for this split was because of many things, but I think that one of the most powerful reasons was fear. Both countries wanted power and control. The Americans were afraid of communism and the Russians were afraid of the atomic bomb. Germany became divided politically between the communist east and the democratic west. This caused the erection of the Berlin wall in 1961. This was East Germany’s attempt at keeping people from fleeing the oppressive communist regime and finding freedom in the west. The Cold War lasted for more than forty years. What finally ended the Cold War was for Mikhail Gorbachev to initiate a series of summit meetings with Ronald Reagan. These two world leaders were able to work together to create a better world. Communism began to tumble in Europe, the Berlin wall was torn down and the reduction of nuclear weapons began. Without the willingness for both parties to come to the table and talk, there could be no possibility for peace. Mikhail Gorbachev opened the door for significant healing and change to begin in the world by his willingness to sit down and talk.

Life is difficult and relationships can get messy at times. I think that life is to short to allow years to go by with unresolved conflict between family and friends. So if you find yourself in a hit and run situation or an ongoing Cold War, what can you do? If you are the one that has been hit then you can move forward by way of forgiveness and a willingness to listen. Chances are that there is fault on both sides of the table.  If you are the one who has run away, then you can come back to the table and find restoration in the relationship. When we choose to turn toward one another, we find peace. When we run away from each other we erect walls that divide. These walls create much pain and suffering. The sad truth is that there can be no end to a Cold War without both parties wanting peace and restoration. It takes courage to end a Cold War. You have to be willing to honestly look at yourself.

What people remember most about the end of the Cold War are the famous words of Ronald Reagan, “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall.” If you find yourself with the power to tear down a wall that is causing division in a relationship with someone whom you love, then I would encourage you, by all means to tear down the wall and end the Cold War!

I am reminded of the description of the action of love found in the Bible:

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,  does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails!

We do not need to live our lives controlled by fear. 

Perfect love casts out fear. 

So if love is present, then there is hope!