Generosity Wins!

Christmas is a season for celebration. We come together with loved ones and express our love with various traditions and ceremonies. I am deeply thankful for my family and friends and the joy I feel to share life with them. However, I am also deeply aware of the growing concerns in our world. In my view, we live in a world that is driven by greed. The powerful people in the world oppress the powerless driven by their greed. There are many examples of a life of greed and what greed accomplishes in this world. Christmas is the time when we choose to revisit stories about greed. Let’s look at a few together.

Charles Dickens gave us Ebenezer Scrooge in 1843 to try and change our minds about greediness. Scrooge was the protagonist in A Christmas Carol. Ebenezer was taken on a journey through his life so that he could see the events that led to his greed. He had allowed the suffering in his life to turn him into a closed-hearted man. He had gained all of the wealth one man could ever need but had lost his soul. This story has been told over and over because it is filled with truth. In the end Ebenezer sees the error of his ways and becomes a new man; a generous man. Generosity wins!

One hundred years later, in 1943, another story was published called, The Greatest Gift. This short story was about a man named George Pratt who is dissatisfied with his life and contemplates suicide on Christmas Eve. The story was later adapted to film and we know that man as George Bailey and the story as, It’s A Wonderful Life. George Bailey, the protagonist in this story, is also taken on a journey through his life. George is the antithesis of Ebenezer. George’s life was sacrificial. He was a man who set aside his own wants and desires in the service of others. George’s nemesis throughout the film is a greedy man named Henry F. Potter. He is the local banker and the richest man in town. Potter’s greed drives his every move. His goal is to destroy George’s good will and rule the town. In this film, we see the contrast of life as a generous person or life as a greedy person. In the end, the whole town celebrates life with George Bailey. Generosity wins!

 Sixty years ago, in 1957, another story was published that has become a standard of our Christmas tradition. How The Grinch Stole Christmas, written by Theodor “Dr. Seuss” Geisel. Once again we are given the gift of seeing what greed does to the human heart. The protagonist is the Grinch whose heart is two sizes too small. I always had a difficult time watching this story in cartoon form as a kid because the Grinch was so evil and scary looking. Boris Karloff did his job well. The children’s story is designed to teach our children the value of living a life of generosity, the opposite of greed. The Grinch was a hoarder. He though that if he could steal Christmas then everyone would be as unhappy as he was himself. But as we know the plan backfired and the inhabitants of Whoville celebrate Christmas anyway. This causes the Grinch’s heart to grow three sizes and he becomes generous. He gives back everything that he stole and in return is given an honored place in Whoville. Generosity wins!

We love these stories because intuitively we know that they speak the truth. All of us fall somewhere between greed and generosity. We would like to see ourselves as the generous ones in these stories and point the finger at others who are more greedy than we are to prove the point. We pull these stories out at Christmastime to remind ourselves to be givers not takers. This is great because we do not live in a very generous society. We are constantly bombarded with messages of America first. These messages are shrouded in fear designed to control the masses. The rich and powerful among us are filled with greed. The man that we have chosen to lead us in this country has lived a life of greed. He may gain the whole world but where is his soul? If he showed up in one of these Christmas stories which character would he most resemble? Men like these would like to steal the heart of Christmas from all of us.

So how do we respond? We must examine our own hearts and see the greed that is within us. We must turn our hearts toward kindness and compassion. This will lead us toward generosity. And we have to take this generosity into our hearts 365 days a year lest we become sucked back into the vortex greed.

I choose to follow the teachings of Jesus, a man who was sacrificial and generous. He teaches me how to live a life of compassion and love. I still have much to learn. He wasn’t afraid to speak out to the powerful men of his time and call out there life of greed. He made a lot of enemies with those in power and it got him crucified. His life was about love and justice. I want my life to be about love and justice too.

God teach me to be generous instead of greedy.

Teach me to live in trust rather than fear.

Merry Christmas,

Cathy

Why Do You Go To Church?

I have been reflecting on the meaning and value of the attending church. Why do so many people go to church? I am curious about all things spiritual so I often ask people that I meet to tell me about their experience of God. Most of the time they tell me about their experience of church. It takes more prodding for them to see their own personal experience of God. In our culture, God and church go hand in hand. So I decided to take some time to reflect on my own experience of God and church.

My earliest recollection of God was through prayer. Every night at bedtime, at the direction of my parents, I would kneel down beside my bed and pray. And when we sat down together for dinner, either my sister or me would say grace. It was always the same prayer for both of these events but it taught me that there is someone greater than myself, God, and I needed to be connected to him. My understanding was that God was male and in charge. I also began to believe that God loved me even though I am not really sure what that meant. 

When I was a little girl growing up in southern California, I went to a Lutheran church. I loved this church because it gave me a sense of belonging. I grew up in a very large extended family. This is a photograph of me with my grandparents and some of my cousins. I am the young one that is crying.

My dad had nine siblings and many of them lived close by us. My grandparents, aunts and uncles, and many of my cousins went to my church. So I identified with my church as a connection to my family. My concept of God at this stage of my spiritual development was pretty simple. God had something to do with a sense of belonging and family. At this time in my life, church was not an option. Nearly every Sunday morning we would get up early, get dressed up, and off we would go to church. I would have preferred to sleep in instead of dragging myself out of bed and I hated getting dressed up but once we got there I would make that best of the experience. I really looked forward to getting home from church because I could get out of my Sunday clothes and get comfortable again. Also, I looked forward to the Sunday newspaper that was waiting for us. I loved the Sunday newspaper because it contained the Funnies. This was the cartoon section of the paper, and on Sundays it was in color!

 I remember sitting in Sunday school with my cousin but I cannot recall, in much detail, one lesson from that experience. My cousin always had better attendance than I did so I felt a bit inferior to her. I have a vague recall of many Bible stories told on flannel graph boards but none of these stories touched me much, or so I thought. I remember sitting in the church service and listening to the sermon until my head would start swimming and I would fall asleep with my head resting on my mother’s lap. But the best memories I have from those years at Valley Lutheran Church were of playing in the parking lot with my cousins after church was over. Or, of sneaking up in the balcony during the service with my cousins where it felt like we were free from the restraint of adult supervision. My spirit felt free when I was not being restrained.

I don’t remember going to any church socials during those early years but I do remember going to family picnics. The Andersen family was big, so we would have family picnics. There is still an annual Andersen family picnic every September. These picnics were always so much fun because I got to spend time with my cousins. My grandparents had thirty-four grandchildren and I was number thirty-three. This gave me many older cousins to look up to and learn from. I loved my time with them. These were my people and I knew that I belonged to this tribe.

When I was around six or seven years old, my grampa died. At that time my family’s tradition was to have an open casket funeral. I remember walking into the church with my parents and my sister and seeing my grampa lying in his casket. This was my first experience of seeing someone dead. After everyone arrived at the church, they moved the casket to the front of the sanctuary and when the service was over, everyone walked up the center aisle for one last look at grampa. As we walked up the aisle that day I felt the deep sadness in the room. I learned that death is a part of life. I learned that it is good for us to mourn our losses together. I learned that letting go hurts.

            So as a small child, going to church was about love and belonging. It was about relationships and knowing that I was loved and that I belonged. It wasn’t about doctrine. It wasn’t about salvation. It wasn't about heaven or hell. All of this would come later.

So what do we want our children to know about God?

• We are God’s children and we belong to God.
• God loves us and welcomes us.
• God loves all of creation. 
• When we enjoy each other’s company we are experiencing      the presence of God.
• When we mourn, God mourns with us.

Obviously the list could go on and on, these are just a few thoughts I have as I reflect on my early years. Jesus loved children in their simplicity. He valued them when others did not. Jesus’ own disciples failed to see value in children but Jesus sought to bless them. Jesus was refreshed by the presence of children. He saw their pure innocence and this brought him great delight.  We all know the value of the presence of children in our lives. They bring us back to what really matters to us most, the sense of love and belonging.

“Permit the children to come to Me; do not hinder them; for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all.” And He took them in His arms and began blessing them, laying His hands on them.

Why do you go to church?

Violence Against Women

Anita Hill

     I love watching movies because other people's stories inform me about my life. I recently viewed the HBO movie entitled, Confirmation. The movie is about the 1991 hearings conducted by the Senate Judiciary Committee regarding the allegations brought against Clarance Thomas of Sexual Harassment by Anita Hill. I remember watching this hearing back in 1991. Anita Hill was in her mid thirties back then and so was I. As the story goes, there are two opposing views on what really happened between Anita Hill and Clarance Thomas. It was basically a he said, she said, situation. So when a movie is made about an historical event there will always be controversy. People on both sides come out to defend their position. 

     What struck me in reliving this historical moment was that Ms. Hill did not go looking for trouble; it came knocking on her doorstep. It did not go well for her to speak out against the powers that be; that being the Republican party and the President of the United States. This was a woman who was the valedictorian of her high school graduating class, graduated with honors in college and then graduated with honors from Yale Law School. I doubt that it was ever her dream to bring down a potential supreme court judge. In the years following her testimony at the hearings, she received death threats, bomb threats, and sexual violence threats. Her reputation was drug through the mud. This was a high price to pay for an aspiring young woman. Her decision to speak out changed the course of her life. 

     Another interesting fact from the movie, and yes, I checked and it was factual, was Ms. Hill's willingness to take a lie detector test regarding her testimony. She was found to be truthful. Clarance Thomas refused to take such a test.

     So how prevalent is violence against women in our world? The answer to this question is easy to find. Just listen to the women in your own life. Listen to their stories of sexual harassment, of gender discrimination, of sexual abuse. These are struggles that all women share around the globe.

     I have my own stories. Growing up female had its challenges. When I was a very small child, I was at the home of a close family friend. The man of the house was a deviant man. He like to expose himself in public. One day while I was at his house he walked out of the bathroom toward me with his pants down. I was very scared and confused at his behavior. At the time I didn't tell anyone. This created a new and lasting fear in me. 

     Later in my life, when I was thirteen and becoming a young woman, life with boys became quite difficult and confusing. Just like every young girl my age, I wanted to be liked and accepted by boys. I still remember the first time a boy groped me at a party.   These years of my life were spent fending off unwanted sexual advances from boys. Often times boys were very aggressive with me sexually and this created more fear in me. I spent a lot of time running away from boys. I lost boyfriends because I didn't want to engage in sexual activity. These are just a few examples of the indignities that I have suffered at the hands of boys. 

     Throughout my adult life there have been many more times that I have been misjudged by men because of my gender. I was fortunate to find the love of my life in my early twenties and I have enjoyed the love and affection of this man for the past thirty-seven years. I am thankful for the kindness, gentleness and respect that he has given to me as his wife and as a woman. We have had many conversations about the struggles that women face in our world. We have not always agreed but we are always willing to listen to one another. 

     The struggles that I have encountered in my life pale in comparison to what many woman have had to endure. As a spiritual director I have listened to many women and the suffering that they have lived through. My hope is that we can find strength and solidarity as women by sharing our stories. 

Do you have a story to tell?

Love Keeps No Record Of Wrongs...

     

     I spent this past month visiting with my daughter and her family in Tennessee. My two year old granddaughter, June was learning about the consequences of hurtful behavior. So needless to say she was encouraged to apologize for hurting others. She would come to me and say, "Sorry Grammers" and I would say, "I forgive you." Since she is only two, she still repeats what she hears. So after a few times of this pattern, she started says, Sorry Grammers, I forgive you. She obviously does not understand what the words, "I forgive you" mean yet.

     I've been thinking about forgiveness lately. I have heard countless sermons on the topic over the years. Being able to say that we are sorry is a humbling experience and forgiveness is something that never gets easy. It is something that we grow into over the course of a lifetime. We will never run out of opportunities to exercise forgiveness because as flawed human beings, we end up doing and saying things that bring suffering to others. This means that we will also never run out of opportunities to be forgiven as well.

     Is it possible to forgive and forget? As a child, I heard this motto often. After all, the Bible tells us that God forgives us and forgets our transgressions. So is it possible for us to forgive and forget? I mean lets face it when someone deeply wounds us there will often be lasting scars to remind of the offense. The good thing about scars though, is that they leave a mark but the pain goes away. 

     The way I see it there are a couple ways to walk in forgiveness. We can say that we forgive and continue to pick at the scabs of our wounds, keeping the pain alive and well. This prolongs the healing process. We do this by dwelling on the offenses of others. We don't let them off the hook. We choose to remember the offense by talking or thinking about it ad nauseam. So if and when another conflict arises we are quick to bring up past offenses. I see this as incomplete forgiveness. Maybe over time we quietly let go of the past, maybe not.

     Another way to walk in forgiveness is to clean the wound out. I see this as an act of reconciliation. I personally find it very helpful to sit down with the person that I am in conflict with and seek to find deep understanding of one another. I know that this is risky business but the rewards are plentiful. So often conflict in relationships leaves open wounds for both parties involved. Having the courage to listen and to be heard can produce a deep cleansing and healing affect on each person. This is the hard work of lasting forgiveness! I am aware that this may not always be necessary for true healing to occur. It is possible to let go of the past and move forward without this step. The key is whether we are able to move toward one another in love. Have we let go of past offenses? Or are they having a lingering effect in our hearts hindering love?

     So the forgetting part of forgiveness is really about letting go. When we hang on to the past and carry grudges toward others, our forgiveness is incomplete. We may be on the road toward forgiving but we have not crossed the finish line.

I gave my granddaughter the shirt she is wearing in the photo above. It says, "Love is everything"

What Do You Look For In A Leader?

     Over the past few days I have listened to interviews with a former President of the United States, Jimmy Carter, and a man seeking to become the next President of the United States, Donald Trump. I couldn’t help be notice the extreme contrast of these two men.

Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called the children of God…

      Jimmy Carter’s life started out in the rural south on a peanut farm run by his dad. He grew up in an African American community and his childhood friends were African Americans. He learned at a very young age about inequality and this developed his character for life. He was a one term President that boasts of being a President of peace. His claim to fame is not as a great politician. He is a man of deep compassion, faith and peace. This is clearly seen in his post presidency life. Jimmy has dedicated his life in the service of others in such humanitarian efforts as Habitat for Humanity, and in 1982 he established The Carter Center, that has had a global impact on eradicating human disease and suffering throughout the world. Jimmy has also helped to negotiate peace in countries around the world.  In 2002, he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for his work. He has lived an exemplary life from his deep convictions of faith. When I listen to him speak about his life I hear a man of humility and love for his God, his family, and the world. His life can be defined as a life of service to humanity and his desire to alleviate suffering where he can.   

It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God…

   

  Donald Trump’s life started out in New York City. He grew up under the influence of his father, a successful real estate developer. Donald attended private schools and learned from a very young age to desire a life of power and wealth. As a young man he was groomed to become a successful businessman while working for his father. In 1973, his company was accused of violating the Fair Housing Act by refusing to rent to African Americans. Donald Trump has had a global impact through his development of Resorts, Casinos, Hotels, and his own Trump line of products. All of these investments are targeted for people of privilege. When I listen to Mr. Trump boast of his accomplishments, he likes to emphasize his power and influence. He talks about his ability to get things done. He wants to intimidate the world by having a stronger military force. His solution for world peace is through power and intimidation rather than negotiation. His style of leadership exemplifies the use power to get what you want. I don’t hear him talk about relieving suffering in this country or in any other part of the world. He is a businessman and he thinks like a businessman. His slogan is “Make America Great Again.”

So what makes America great?

We often hear of America being a great nation because of our freedom. Yes, we are free is many ways. We are free to spend our lives seeking wealth and fame. We are also free to choose a life of service to others. We have these choices. However, many Americans are living in poverty or near poverty so they do not have these choices. Their lives are focused on putting food on the table and a roof over their heads. We have many problems in this country and so it is vital that we have leaders who care for the people struggling in our nation. A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. I am looking to support leaders who lead with their heads and their hearts. If we want to be a great nation and an example to the world then we need to take a good long look at how we are caring for our own. The world is watching.

 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.

Ending the Cold War In Relationships!

Every day, somewhere in the world, an incident occurs that we know as a hit and run. Usually the incident is an accident but there are also occasions when the hit was intentional. When a person causes harm or death by striking someone with their vehicle, it is lawful to stop and exchange information with one another. The right course of action is to restore peace to one another and to make restitution for the damages that have occurred. So why do people chose to run? I think that the primary reason is out of fear. When you find yourself at fault in a situation it can be extremely difficult to take responsibility for your actions, it's much easier to run.

I have found that this can also describe what happens in relationships at times. Have you ever experienced a hit and run type of relationship? Have you ever had someone that you love hurl accusations and abuses toward you, and then cut you off? Have you been told that your point of view is not relevant or welcomed? Or maybe you are the person who has done the hitting. What this creates is a personal Cold War between people.  

The term Cold War, describes tension without large scale fighting. The Cold War began just two short years after World War II. The Soviet Union and the United States were allies in defeating the Nazis. Unfortunately, the relationship between these two countries deteriorated quickly. The reason for this split was because of many things, but I think that one of the most powerful reasons was fear. Both countries wanted power and control. The Americans were afraid of communism and the Russians were afraid of the atomic bomb. Germany became divided politically between the communist east and the democratic west. This caused the erection of the Berlin wall in 1961. This was East Germany’s attempt at keeping people from fleeing the oppressive communist regime and finding freedom in the west. The Cold War lasted for more than forty years. What finally ended the Cold War was for Mikhail Gorbachev to initiate a series of summit meetings with Ronald Reagan. These two world leaders were able to work together to create a better world. Communism began to tumble in Europe, the Berlin wall was torn down and the reduction of nuclear weapons began. Without the willingness for both parties to come to the table and talk, there could be no possibility for peace. Mikhail Gorbachev opened the door for significant healing and change to begin in the world by his willingness to sit down and talk.

Life is difficult and relationships can get messy at times. I think that life is to short to allow years to go by with unresolved conflict between family and friends. So if you find yourself in a hit and run situation or an ongoing Cold War, what can you do? If you are the one that has been hit then you can move forward by way of forgiveness and a willingness to listen. Chances are that there is fault on both sides of the table.  If you are the one who has run away, then you can come back to the table and find restoration in the relationship. When we choose to turn toward one another, we find peace. When we run away from each other we erect walls that divide. These walls create much pain and suffering. The sad truth is that there can be no end to a Cold War without both parties wanting peace and restoration. It takes courage to end a Cold War. You have to be willing to honestly look at yourself.

What people remember most about the end of the Cold War are the famous words of Ronald Reagan, “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall.” If you find yourself with the power to tear down a wall that is causing division in a relationship with someone whom you love, then I would encourage you, by all means to tear down the wall and end the Cold War!

I am reminded of the description of the action of love found in the Bible:

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,  does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails!

We do not need to live our lives controlled by fear. 

Perfect love casts out fear. 

So if love is present, then there is hope!