Why Do You Go To Church?

I have been reflecting on the meaning and value of the attending church. Why do so many people go to church? I am curious about all things spiritual so I often ask people that I meet to tell me about their experience of God. Most of the time they tell me about their experience of church. It takes more prodding for them to see their own personal experience of God. In our culture, God and church go hand in hand. So I decided to take some time to reflect on my own experience of God and church.

My earliest recollection of God was through prayer. Every night at bedtime, at the direction of my parents, I would kneel down beside my bed and pray. And when we sat down together for dinner, either my sister or me would say grace. It was always the same prayer for both of these events but it taught me that there is someone greater than myself, God, and I needed to be connected to him. My understanding was that God was male and in charge. I also began to believe that God loved me even though I am not really sure what that meant. 

When I was a little girl growing up in southern California, I went to a Lutheran church. I loved this church because it gave me a sense of belonging. I grew up in a very large extended family. This is a photograph of me with my grandparents and some of my cousins. I am the young one that is crying.

My dad had nine siblings and many of them lived close by us. My grandparents, aunts and uncles, and many of my cousins went to my church. So I identified with my church as a connection to my family. My concept of God at this stage of my spiritual development was pretty simple. God had something to do with a sense of belonging and family. At this time in my life, church was not an option. Nearly every Sunday morning we would get up early, get dressed up, and off we would go to church. I would have preferred to sleep in instead of dragging myself out of bed and I hated getting dressed up but once we got there I would make that best of the experience. I really looked forward to getting home from church because I could get out of my Sunday clothes and get comfortable again. Also, I looked forward to the Sunday newspaper that was waiting for us. I loved the Sunday newspaper because it contained the Funnies. This was the cartoon section of the paper, and on Sundays it was in color!

 I remember sitting in Sunday school with my cousin but I cannot recall, in much detail, one lesson from that experience. My cousin always had better attendance than I did so I felt a bit inferior to her. I have a vague recall of many Bible stories told on flannel graph boards but none of these stories touched me much, or so I thought. I remember sitting in the church service and listening to the sermon until my head would start swimming and I would fall asleep with my head resting on my mother’s lap. But the best memories I have from those years at Valley Lutheran Church were of playing in the parking lot with my cousins after church was over. Or, of sneaking up in the balcony during the service with my cousins where it felt like we were free from the restraint of adult supervision. My spirit felt free when I was not being restrained.

I don’t remember going to any church socials during those early years but I do remember going to family picnics. The Andersen family was big, so we would have family picnics. There is still an annual Andersen family picnic every September. These picnics were always so much fun because I got to spend time with my cousins. My grandparents had thirty-four grandchildren and I was number thirty-three. This gave me many older cousins to look up to and learn from. I loved my time with them. These were my people and I knew that I belonged to this tribe.

When I was around six or seven years old, my grampa died. At that time my family’s tradition was to have an open casket funeral. I remember walking into the church with my parents and my sister and seeing my grampa lying in his casket. This was my first experience of seeing someone dead. After everyone arrived at the church, they moved the casket to the front of the sanctuary and when the service was over, everyone walked up the center aisle for one last look at grampa. As we walked up the aisle that day I felt the deep sadness in the room. I learned that death is a part of life. I learned that it is good for us to mourn our losses together. I learned that letting go hurts.

            So as a small child, going to church was about love and belonging. It was about relationships and knowing that I was loved and that I belonged. It wasn’t about doctrine. It wasn’t about salvation. It wasn't about heaven or hell. All of this would come later.

So what do we want our children to know about God?

• We are God’s children and we belong to God.
• God loves us and welcomes us.
• God loves all of creation. 
• When we enjoy each other’s company we are experiencing      the presence of God.
• When we mourn, God mourns with us.

Obviously the list could go on and on, these are just a few thoughts I have as I reflect on my early years. Jesus loved children in their simplicity. He valued them when others did not. Jesus’ own disciples failed to see value in children but Jesus sought to bless them. Jesus was refreshed by the presence of children. He saw their pure innocence and this brought him great delight.  We all know the value of the presence of children in our lives. They bring us back to what really matters to us most, the sense of love and belonging.

“Permit the children to come to Me; do not hinder them; for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child will not enter it at all.” And He took them in His arms and began blessing them, laying His hands on them.

Why do you go to church?

Ending the Cold War In Relationships!

Every day, somewhere in the world, an incident occurs that we know as a hit and run. Usually the incident is an accident but there are also occasions when the hit was intentional. When a person causes harm or death by striking someone with their vehicle, it is lawful to stop and exchange information with one another. The right course of action is to restore peace to one another and to make restitution for the damages that have occurred. So why do people chose to run? I think that the primary reason is out of fear. When you find yourself at fault in a situation it can be extremely difficult to take responsibility for your actions, it's much easier to run.

I have found that this can also describe what happens in relationships at times. Have you ever experienced a hit and run type of relationship? Have you ever had someone that you love hurl accusations and abuses toward you, and then cut you off? Have you been told that your point of view is not relevant or welcomed? Or maybe you are the person who has done the hitting. What this creates is a personal Cold War between people.  

The term Cold War, describes tension without large scale fighting. The Cold War began just two short years after World War II. The Soviet Union and the United States were allies in defeating the Nazis. Unfortunately, the relationship between these two countries deteriorated quickly. The reason for this split was because of many things, but I think that one of the most powerful reasons was fear. Both countries wanted power and control. The Americans were afraid of communism and the Russians were afraid of the atomic bomb. Germany became divided politically between the communist east and the democratic west. This caused the erection of the Berlin wall in 1961. This was East Germany’s attempt at keeping people from fleeing the oppressive communist regime and finding freedom in the west. The Cold War lasted for more than forty years. What finally ended the Cold War was for Mikhail Gorbachev to initiate a series of summit meetings with Ronald Reagan. These two world leaders were able to work together to create a better world. Communism began to tumble in Europe, the Berlin wall was torn down and the reduction of nuclear weapons began. Without the willingness for both parties to come to the table and talk, there could be no possibility for peace. Mikhail Gorbachev opened the door for significant healing and change to begin in the world by his willingness to sit down and talk.

Life is difficult and relationships can get messy at times. I think that life is to short to allow years to go by with unresolved conflict between family and friends. So if you find yourself in a hit and run situation or an ongoing Cold War, what can you do? If you are the one that has been hit then you can move forward by way of forgiveness and a willingness to listen. Chances are that there is fault on both sides of the table.  If you are the one who has run away, then you can come back to the table and find restoration in the relationship. When we choose to turn toward one another, we find peace. When we run away from each other we erect walls that divide. These walls create much pain and suffering. The sad truth is that there can be no end to a Cold War without both parties wanting peace and restoration. It takes courage to end a Cold War. You have to be willing to honestly look at yourself.

What people remember most about the end of the Cold War are the famous words of Ronald Reagan, “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall.” If you find yourself with the power to tear down a wall that is causing division in a relationship with someone whom you love, then I would encourage you, by all means to tear down the wall and end the Cold War!

I am reminded of the description of the action of love found in the Bible:

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,  does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails!

We do not need to live our lives controlled by fear. 

Perfect love casts out fear. 

So if love is present, then there is hope!

Forever Young?

     

Catherine Eula Andersen

     I was born in 1957. Today I am 57 years old. I have been thinking about how good it is to be alive. Getting older is a privilege that I want to fully embrace. They say that you shouldn't ever ask a woman how old she is. Why not? As I grow older I am thankful for each new day. We live in a culture that worships youth. There are many great things about being young. The younger you are, the less time you have been exposed to the suffering in the world. The innocence of a child is a beautiful thing. The younger you are, the more your body responds well to life. These are wonderful times in life to be savored and fully enjoyed. But I do not want to be forever young. 

     

     I do not wear makeup or color my hair to give myself a more youthful appearance. I do not necessarily believe that these are wrong or bad things to do. I just prefer to age naturally and the freedom that this brings. How I look is not who I am. I have been given the gift of 57 years and in those years I have had many adventures and life experiences that I could not have had if I stayed forever young. Life is a progression. If we choose to progress through life naturally we will see changes occur in our outward appearance. I am choosing to embrace those changes and learn to love who I am. Without my gray hair and my wrinkled skin, I would not be here. I need my body to live on the earth. So I choose to love the body that I have instead of seeking after an ideal image of what my culture says I should look like. I have played that game and it is impossible to win. 

     Jesus had something to say to those who spent to much time cleaning up the outside without concern for what is happening on the inside: 

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean. “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.
                                                                   Matthew 23:25-28

     

Joan Rivers

     Recently, comedian, Joan Rivers passed away at the age of 81. I grew up listening to her telling jokes and poking fun at life. She was very good at making us laugh. I also heard her talk about her appearance and that she would be working hard until the day she died to appear forever young. This makes me sad. She had to go through many surgeries to keep up her appearance. I wish she could have been free from the fear and shame of aging that our culture dishes out to us. I wish that she could have been her true self on the outside as well as the inside. In the end her body was tired and it did not matter what she looked like.

Eula Smith

     My grandmother lived to be nearly 96 years old. She was one of the most beautiful people I have ever known. She was influenced by her culture and she did care about how she looked. She was a snappy dresser and had a great sense of style. I loved that about her. However, what I loved about her more, was her spirit. She was full of energy and vitality. She always had time for me and she was one of the best listeners I have ever known. She taught me how to listen well. She would not have liked this photo very much because you can see her age. I love this photo of her because you can see her age. I am glad that she lived such a long life. Her influence in my life continues.

     Now I am a Spiritual Director, which is basically a listener. The purpose of meeting with a spiritual director is to nurture ones inner life.  I listen to people's lives unfold as they tell me their stories. I have the privilege of participating in the spiritual growth that transpires when people take the time to look deeper at their lives. I love what I do.  I am also a listener for many other people in my life. I listen to my husband as we walk together through life. I listen to my children as they share the many ups and downs of young adulthood. I listen to my grandchildren as they tell me their stories with great excitement. I listen to my mom and my mother-in-law as they live out their old age and the challenges that this time brings. And I listen to my friends who bring me strength and encouragement along the way. This is how I choose to love others. I give them my time and attention. I trust God to give them the spiritual nourishment that they need.

      So today I am celebrating my life! I look forward to what is ahead of me. I do not know where life will take me next and so I must wait and watch my life unfold. 

Cheers!

Robin Williams RIP

   

       Yesterday we all received the deeply sad news that Robin Williams took his own life. He truly was the man that was "laughing on the outside while crying on the inside." Over the years I have seen many interviews that he gave on various talk shows. If you listened to him and witnessed his body language it was not difficult to see his suffering. He was a tortured man. Yes, he did make us laugh with his quick wit and amazing timing and we can be thankful for these moments of joy that he brought into our lives. But now we mourn that we could not relieve his pain. Because most of us did not know him on a personal level we are left to wonder what his deep suffering was all about and why he could not find relief. 

     Suffering is a part of the human condition. We all suffer in many ways. Some of us try to conceal our pain through laughter. Others of us hide our suffering through prestige. These are just a couple of ways that we combat the pain in our lives, there are many others to numerous to mention. Why do we do this? I think it is because we don't want to be a burden to others with our pain. So what alternative do we have if we choose to bear our burdens in isolation?

     There are many ways that we learn to cope with suffering like numbing the pain through addictions and compulsions. We trick ourselves into believing that these vises will bring relief. Unfortunately, what they often bring is more suffering. In our culture our methods of coping with suffering is overeating, excessive drinking or the acceptable method of taking prescribed drugs. We are encouraged to run from our suffering as if this will bring the relief that we are seeking. 

     I have discovered an alternative to these approaches that have personally brought great relief of suffering in my life. Finding good professional counselors  and spiritual directors can help you find your way through the darkness. It is vital to have good friends and family to walk with you but having a place to process your life with an outside source can be truly enlightening and freeing. I personally chose to walk into the darkness of my soul because I longed to be free from the things that plagued me. I still have much work to do on this journey through the darkness but each new step brings life to my soul. 

     If you have never received any kind of professional counseling but are wanting to look at your life in a deeper way I would suggest finding a spiritual director. Meeting with a trained spiritual director is different than going to a therapist. We are all spiritual beings and meeting in spiritual direction is about attending to your soul. Spiritual Directors are not trained to treat mental illness but rather to be a healer of the soul. As a spiritual director this is the desire of my heart. I long to bring relief to those who suffer and usher in freedom, joy and peace to all those who walk through my door. I count it a sacred privilege to walk with spiritual seekers on their journey toward healing and wholeness.

     Robin Williams was a celebrity that came to us through movies and television and so we collectively mourn his death. But their are countless others among us who are struggling with depression and despair that need our love and support. It is so easy to be blind to the suffering in the world around us. According to the CDC, suicide is on the rise in our country.  Suicide has risen in people from ages 35 to 64 by 30% in recent years. It takes courage to look at your life deeply with another. If you need help in finding your way through the darkness be kind to yourself and take a step toward healing your soul. Or if someone you know needs a listening companion help them take that step toward healing. We need each other. 

Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
                                                                     Galatians 6:2

Saying Goodbye

   

Newport Pier July 13, 2014

 Yesterday, thousands of people gathered together to pay tribute to a young lifeguard who gave his life to save someone. Some of these people knew him personally but most of those in attendance were there because they were reminded of fact that this young man gave his life protecting them. I was made aware of this tragedy because my son was one of the many surfers who paddled out into the ocean to say thank you. 

     Looking at this public display of affection took me back to the summer of 2004. Another good man also lost his life keeping others from harms way. That man was my brother-in-law, Brad Crawford. Thousands of people came to his memorial because his death also reminded the community of the fact that there are public servants who risk their lives to protect them. 

     These public displays of honor and thanksgiving are a good way for the community to have closure but for those who are touched personally by theses sudden deaths, this is only the beginning of learning to let go.

     Our family has been walking through this valley of the shadow of death for ten years. Just like a baby who learns to take their first steps, we have had to learn how to walk through our lives without Brad, literally, walking with us. But he is never far from our thoughts. When I look at his children and his grandchildren, I see parts of him shining through. I wish that he could be here to see them growing and changing and share life with us. When someone you love dies, you never get over it, you learn to live with it. Losing someone unexpectedly sends shockwaves through your soul and creates a vacuum for many unanswerable questions. So the path toward peace is long and often rocky at times. Sometimes you stumble and fall and you have to get back up and keep going forward.

     By chance, I met a man and woman this past week who had just experienced the loss of a family member who was shot and killed at work by an angry ex-employee. He was not a public servant. He was just a guy doing his job and was killed by someone else's rage. I suppose his story was on the nightly news and the community felt bad for a bit. As they told me their story, I felt their deep grief and my heart broke for them. Their lives have been changed forever. 

     July 30th will be the tenth anniversary of Brad's death. Each year we think of how we would like to honor him and remember him. Some years we have gone to the site where he was killed. Some years we have gathered together as a family. Some years we when we were not able to be together, we shared photos and memories on Facebook. These are all good ways to remember Brad but there is always that sense of emptiness in the end. These expressions seem a bit inadequate to what is felt in ones heart. 

Maui 2004 

     Brad was originally from southern California so he grew up going to the beach and surfing. He would often let his younger brother, Bruce, tag along. Surfing became a lifelong connection for Brad and Bruce. In 2003, we spent a week at Newport Beach with Brad and his family. Brad and Bruce were now in their forties and still surfing together. Neither one of them were great surfers, but their love of the ocean and riding the waves was all that really mattered. They also got to share this love of the ocean with their children and together, surf with their kids. So when Brad was killed we, as a family had a paddle out of our own on the island of Maui. Ours was an intimate way of saying goodbye to Brad. 

     So what do these sudden losses bring to us? They give us a greater awareness of suffering. They give us a deeper heart of compassion for those who also suffer. They teach us that we are all connected as a human family and that none of us is immune to suffering. They teach is that life is fragile and to treasure each moment. They teach us that without love, there would be no suffering. It is because we love that we suffer. The deeper the love, the greater the suffering. They teach us that to be alive is to experience both joy and sorrow, we can't have one without the other.

     So hold on to your family and friends and love them well. Be grateful to those in your community who serve you and show lovingkindness to them. See the suffering that is all around you and find a way to relieve that suffering. 

Love can change the world!

No one has greater love than the one who gives his life for his friends.  - Jesus