A House Divided

A house divided against itself, cannot stand. I believe this government cannot endure, permanently, half slave and half free. I do not expect the Union to be dissolved — I do not expect the house to fall — but I do expect it will cease to be divided. It will become all one thing or all the other. Either the opponents of slavery will arrest the further spread of it, and place it where the public mind shall rest in the belief that it is in the course of ultimate extinction; or its advocates will push it forward, till it shall become lawful in all the States, old as well as new — North as well as South. — Abraham Lincoln

     The past few days have left me feeling quite discouraged. We are a nation that is divided against itself. It feels like the divide is getting wider by the day. My heart longs for a change in how we communicate with one another as fellow citizens and as human beings. We need leadership that will bring us together and unite us once again. We are divided by ideologies and political parties. We are divided by racial tensions and mistrust. We are divided by our socioeconomic status. We are divided by our religious beliefs. We are divided by our gender. We are divided! How will we stand?

     The answer is to begin a new conversation with one another. We must turn toward those whom we do not agree with and begin to listen. We all want to be heard and understood. I believe that the majority of people want to do justice and live in a world of kindness and compassion. So we must raise up leaders that will lead us toward these goals. 

     When Abraham Lincoln gave this speech in 1858 it was in hopes of becoming a US senator. He lost the race. However, he held onto his belief in uniting the country against slavery and continued the struggle to achieve that ultimate goal. A few years later, he got the chance to put his leadership into practice as the President of the United States. It took a bloody war that claimed 620,000 American lives before we could find our way to peace and unity again. Ultimately Lincoln paid the price for unity with his life. A wealthy, angry, confederate actor and a few of his friends plotted an assassination. You know how that turned out. 

     Lincoln's concept of a house divided was not original. He was quoting a very famous man named Jesus. As the story goes, Jesus was going around town healing people and showing kindness and compassion to those in need. This activity instilled fear in the rich and powerful leaders of his day. They accused Jesus of doing the devil's work. The bible tells us that Jesus knew their thoughts and replied with these famous words:  

“Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation, and every city or house divided against itself will not stand.”  Matthew 12:25 

Jesus had a vision for peace and unity on earth. This is the message that he preached and lived. He was what some people would call a "do gooder." He walked the earth doing good, seeking justice, and caring for those in need. Doing the right thing can be very costly. The rich and powerful men of  Jesus day got together and plotted an assassination. You know how that turned out.

     Hope is what keeps us moving forward. Hope comes from resurrection. After the Civil War, the country was resurrected from the ashes. We came to see that we needed to find a way forward out of the chains of slavery. While we have made great strides in that direction, we still have a long way to go. Just look at all the unrest that we find ourselves in today. We must work together to bring justice and unity and peace to our nation. Lincoln's vision and leadership was to bring hope and unity to America. Jesus' vision and leadership was to bring hope and unity to the world. Out of the ashes of the crucification came the hope of resurrection! Hope is about new beginnings. Both of these men gave up their lives to see their vision fulfilled. Let us move forward together in this time of social unrest for the  hope  of our country and ultimately for the hope of the world!

Generosity Wins!

Christmas is a season for celebration. We come together with loved ones and express our love with various traditions and ceremonies. I am deeply thankful for my family and friends and the joy I feel to share life with them. However, I am also deeply aware of the growing concerns in our world. In my view, we live in a world that is driven by greed. The powerful people in the world oppress the powerless driven by their greed. There are many examples of a life of greed and what greed accomplishes in this world. Christmas is the time when we choose to revisit stories about greed. Let’s look at a few together.

Charles Dickens gave us Ebenezer Scrooge in 1843 to try and change our minds about greediness. Scrooge was the protagonist in A Christmas Carol. Ebenezer was taken on a journey through his life so that he could see the events that led to his greed. He had allowed the suffering in his life to turn him into a closed-hearted man. He had gained all of the wealth one man could ever need but had lost his soul. This story has been told over and over because it is filled with truth. In the end Ebenezer sees the error of his ways and becomes a new man; a generous man. Generosity wins!

One hundred years later, in 1943, another story was published called, The Greatest Gift. This short story was about a man named George Pratt who is dissatisfied with his life and contemplates suicide on Christmas Eve. The story was later adapted to film and we know that man as George Bailey and the story as, It’s A Wonderful Life. George Bailey, the protagonist in this story, is also taken on a journey through his life. George is the antithesis of Ebenezer. George’s life was sacrificial. He was a man who set aside his own wants and desires in the service of others. George’s nemesis throughout the film is a greedy man named Henry F. Potter. He is the local banker and the richest man in town. Potter’s greed drives his every move. His goal is to destroy George’s good will and rule the town. In this film, we see the contrast of life as a generous person or life as a greedy person. In the end, the whole town celebrates life with George Bailey. Generosity wins!

 Sixty years ago, in 1957, another story was published that has become a standard of our Christmas tradition. How The Grinch Stole Christmas, written by Theodor “Dr. Seuss” Geisel. Once again we are given the gift of seeing what greed does to the human heart. The protagonist is the Grinch whose heart is two sizes too small. I always had a difficult time watching this story in cartoon form as a kid because the Grinch was so evil and scary looking. Boris Karloff did his job well. The children’s story is designed to teach our children the value of living a life of generosity, the opposite of greed. The Grinch was a hoarder. He though that if he could steal Christmas then everyone would be as unhappy as he was himself. But as we know the plan backfired and the inhabitants of Whoville celebrate Christmas anyway. This causes the Grinch’s heart to grow three sizes and he becomes generous. He gives back everything that he stole and in return is given an honored place in Whoville. Generosity wins!

We love these stories because intuitively we know that they speak the truth. All of us fall somewhere between greed and generosity. We would like to see ourselves as the generous ones in these stories and point the finger at others who are more greedy than we are to prove the point. We pull these stories out at Christmastime to remind ourselves to be givers not takers. This is great because we do not live in a very generous society. We are constantly bombarded with messages of America first. These messages are shrouded in fear designed to control the masses. The rich and powerful among us are filled with greed. The man that we have chosen to lead us in this country has lived a life of greed. He may gain the whole world but where is his soul? If he showed up in one of these Christmas stories which character would he most resemble? Men like these would like to steal the heart of Christmas from all of us.

So how do we respond? We must examine our own hearts and see the greed that is within us. We must turn our hearts toward kindness and compassion. This will lead us toward generosity. And we have to take this generosity into our hearts 365 days a year lest we become sucked back into the vortex greed.

I choose to follow the teachings of Jesus, a man who was sacrificial and generous. He teaches me how to live a life of compassion and love. I still have much to learn. He wasn’t afraid to speak out to the powerful men of his time and call out there life of greed. He made a lot of enemies with those in power and it got him crucified. His life was about love and justice. I want my life to be about love and justice too.

God teach me to be generous instead of greedy.

Teach me to live in trust rather than fear.

Merry Christmas,

Cathy

Violence Against Women

Anita Hill

     I love watching movies because other people's stories inform me about my life. I recently viewed the HBO movie entitled, Confirmation. The movie is about the 1991 hearings conducted by the Senate Judiciary Committee regarding the allegations brought against Clarance Thomas of Sexual Harassment by Anita Hill. I remember watching this hearing back in 1991. Anita Hill was in her mid thirties back then and so was I. As the story goes, there are two opposing views on what really happened between Anita Hill and Clarance Thomas. It was basically a he said, she said, situation. So when a movie is made about an historical event there will always be controversy. People on both sides come out to defend their position. 

     What struck me in reliving this historical moment was that Ms. Hill did not go looking for trouble; it came knocking on her doorstep. It did not go well for her to speak out against the powers that be; that being the Republican party and the President of the United States. This was a woman who was the valedictorian of her high school graduating class, graduated with honors in college and then graduated with honors from Yale Law School. I doubt that it was ever her dream to bring down a potential supreme court judge. In the years following her testimony at the hearings, she received death threats, bomb threats, and sexual violence threats. Her reputation was drug through the mud. This was a high price to pay for an aspiring young woman. Her decision to speak out changed the course of her life. 

     Another interesting fact from the movie, and yes, I checked and it was factual, was Ms. Hill's willingness to take a lie detector test regarding her testimony. She was found to be truthful. Clarance Thomas refused to take such a test.

     So how prevalent is violence against women in our world? The answer to this question is easy to find. Just listen to the women in your own life. Listen to their stories of sexual harassment, of gender discrimination, of sexual abuse. These are struggles that all women share around the globe.

     I have my own stories. Growing up female had its challenges. When I was a very small child, I was at the home of a close family friend. The man of the house was a deviant man. He like to expose himself in public. One day while I was at his house he walked out of the bathroom toward me with his pants down. I was very scared and confused at his behavior. At the time I didn't tell anyone. This created a new and lasting fear in me. 

     Later in my life, when I was thirteen and becoming a young woman, life with boys became quite difficult and confusing. Just like every young girl my age, I wanted to be liked and accepted by boys. I still remember the first time a boy groped me at a party.   These years of my life were spent fending off unwanted sexual advances from boys. Often times boys were very aggressive with me sexually and this created more fear in me. I spent a lot of time running away from boys. I lost boyfriends because I didn't want to engage in sexual activity. These are just a few examples of the indignities that I have suffered at the hands of boys. 

     Throughout my adult life there have been many more times that I have been misjudged by men because of my gender. I was fortunate to find the love of my life in my early twenties and I have enjoyed the love and affection of this man for the past thirty-seven years. I am thankful for the kindness, gentleness and respect that he has given to me as his wife and as a woman. We have had many conversations about the struggles that women face in our world. We have not always agreed but we are always willing to listen to one another. 

     The struggles that I have encountered in my life pale in comparison to what many woman have had to endure. As a spiritual director I have listened to many women and the suffering that they have lived through. My hope is that we can find strength and solidarity as women by sharing our stories. 

Do you have a story to tell?

What Do You Look For In A Leader?

     Over the past few days I have listened to interviews with a former President of the United States, Jimmy Carter, and a man seeking to become the next President of the United States, Donald Trump. I couldn’t help be notice the extreme contrast of these two men.

Blessed are the peacemakers for they will be called the children of God…

      Jimmy Carter’s life started out in the rural south on a peanut farm run by his dad. He grew up in an African American community and his childhood friends were African Americans. He learned at a very young age about inequality and this developed his character for life. He was a one term President that boasts of being a President of peace. His claim to fame is not as a great politician. He is a man of deep compassion, faith and peace. This is clearly seen in his post presidency life. Jimmy has dedicated his life in the service of others in such humanitarian efforts as Habitat for Humanity, and in 1982 he established The Carter Center, that has had a global impact on eradicating human disease and suffering throughout the world. Jimmy has also helped to negotiate peace in countries around the world.  In 2002, he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for his work. He has lived an exemplary life from his deep convictions of faith. When I listen to him speak about his life I hear a man of humility and love for his God, his family, and the world. His life can be defined as a life of service to humanity and his desire to alleviate suffering where he can.   

It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God…

   

  Donald Trump’s life started out in New York City. He grew up under the influence of his father, a successful real estate developer. Donald attended private schools and learned from a very young age to desire a life of power and wealth. As a young man he was groomed to become a successful businessman while working for his father. In 1973, his company was accused of violating the Fair Housing Act by refusing to rent to African Americans. Donald Trump has had a global impact through his development of Resorts, Casinos, Hotels, and his own Trump line of products. All of these investments are targeted for people of privilege. When I listen to Mr. Trump boast of his accomplishments, he likes to emphasize his power and influence. He talks about his ability to get things done. He wants to intimidate the world by having a stronger military force. His solution for world peace is through power and intimidation rather than negotiation. His style of leadership exemplifies the use power to get what you want. I don’t hear him talk about relieving suffering in this country or in any other part of the world. He is a businessman and he thinks like a businessman. His slogan is “Make America Great Again.”

So what makes America great?

We often hear of America being a great nation because of our freedom. Yes, we are free is many ways. We are free to spend our lives seeking wealth and fame. We are also free to choose a life of service to others. We have these choices. However, many Americans are living in poverty or near poverty so they do not have these choices. Their lives are focused on putting food on the table and a roof over their heads. We have many problems in this country and so it is vital that we have leaders who care for the people struggling in our nation. A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. I am looking to support leaders who lead with their heads and their hearts. If we want to be a great nation and an example to the world then we need to take a good long look at how we are caring for our own. The world is watching.

 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.

Remembering Brad

   

      Eleven years ago today, I was giving a birthday party for my sister and brother-in-law at my house in Burbank, California. After the candles on the birthday cake had been blown out, the phone rang. It was our niece calling from Vancouver, Washington to tell us that, Bruce's brother, Brad had been in a terrible accident. Brad was actually killed in the line of duty as a law enforcement officer. That day broke many hearts. 

     So now every year on July 30th we are reminded of how much we miss Brad and of the hole that was created in our hearts through one man's act of rage and violence.

     This morning Bruce and I went out to the crash site to remember Brad and pray for healing. The violence that occurred on that site affected many people. This memorial was created by the family that lives at this site. They did not know Brad but felt compelled to

honor him in this way. Today as we were sitting on the log that is placed in front of the cross, the woman that lives there came out and talked to us. She told us that the neighborhood changed after Brad's murder. The people of this quiet neighborhood were deeply shaken. Murder and violence create lasting trauma. 

     Brad was 49 years old when he died. It is strange when someone dies an untimely death. He will never be older than 49 in our minds. We on the other hand, keep getting older which reminds us of how much life Brad has missed. I wish that he was still with us, growing old with us; sharing life with his family and friends. Instead, he lives in our memories and in our hearts. It is good to remember!

This photo was taken a month before Brad died, at his son's wedding. This is his granddaughter, Darby. She just celebrated her 13th birthday. I wish that he could have been here to celebrate this milestone with us. He really loved his grandkids!

Forever Young?

     

Catherine Eula Andersen

     I was born in 1957. Today I am 57 years old. I have been thinking about how good it is to be alive. Getting older is a privilege that I want to fully embrace. They say that you shouldn't ever ask a woman how old she is. Why not? As I grow older I am thankful for each new day. We live in a culture that worships youth. There are many great things about being young. The younger you are, the less time you have been exposed to the suffering in the world. The innocence of a child is a beautiful thing. The younger you are, the more your body responds well to life. These are wonderful times in life to be savored and fully enjoyed. But I do not want to be forever young. 

     

     I do not wear makeup or color my hair to give myself a more youthful appearance. I do not necessarily believe that these are wrong or bad things to do. I just prefer to age naturally and the freedom that this brings. How I look is not who I am. I have been given the gift of 57 years and in those years I have had many adventures and life experiences that I could not have had if I stayed forever young. Life is a progression. If we choose to progress through life naturally we will see changes occur in our outward appearance. I am choosing to embrace those changes and learn to love who I am. Without my gray hair and my wrinkled skin, I would not be here. I need my body to live on the earth. So I choose to love the body that I have instead of seeking after an ideal image of what my culture says I should look like. I have played that game and it is impossible to win. 

     Jesus had something to say to those who spent to much time cleaning up the outside without concern for what is happening on the inside: 

“Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean. “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.
                                                                   Matthew 23:25-28

     

Joan Rivers

     Recently, comedian, Joan Rivers passed away at the age of 81. I grew up listening to her telling jokes and poking fun at life. She was very good at making us laugh. I also heard her talk about her appearance and that she would be working hard until the day she died to appear forever young. This makes me sad. She had to go through many surgeries to keep up her appearance. I wish she could have been free from the fear and shame of aging that our culture dishes out to us. I wish that she could have been her true self on the outside as well as the inside. In the end her body was tired and it did not matter what she looked like.

Eula Smith

     My grandmother lived to be nearly 96 years old. She was one of the most beautiful people I have ever known. She was influenced by her culture and she did care about how she looked. She was a snappy dresser and had a great sense of style. I loved that about her. However, what I loved about her more, was her spirit. She was full of energy and vitality. She always had time for me and she was one of the best listeners I have ever known. She taught me how to listen well. She would not have liked this photo very much because you can see her age. I love this photo of her because you can see her age. I am glad that she lived such a long life. Her influence in my life continues.

     Now I am a Spiritual Director, which is basically a listener. The purpose of meeting with a spiritual director is to nurture ones inner life.  I listen to people's lives unfold as they tell me their stories. I have the privilege of participating in the spiritual growth that transpires when people take the time to look deeper at their lives. I love what I do.  I am also a listener for many other people in my life. I listen to my husband as we walk together through life. I listen to my children as they share the many ups and downs of young adulthood. I listen to my grandchildren as they tell me their stories with great excitement. I listen to my mom and my mother-in-law as they live out their old age and the challenges that this time brings. And I listen to my friends who bring me strength and encouragement along the way. This is how I choose to love others. I give them my time and attention. I trust God to give them the spiritual nourishment that they need.

      So today I am celebrating my life! I look forward to what is ahead of me. I do not know where life will take me next and so I must wait and watch my life unfold. 

Cheers!

Spiritual Seekers

“A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho. Robbers attacked him. They stripped off his clothes and beat him. Then they went away, leaving him almost dead.  A priest happened to be going down that same road. When he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. A Levite also came by. When he saw the man, he passed by on the other side too.

 But a Samaritan came to the place where the man was. When he saw the man, he felt sorry for him. He went to him, poured olive oil and wine on his wounds and bandaged them. Then he put the man on his own donkey. He took him to an inn and took care of him.  The next day he took out two silver coins. He gave them to the owner of the inn. ‘Take care of him,’ he said. ‘When I return, I will pay you back for any extra expense you may have.’
                                                            Luke 10:30-35 
                                           

     This morning I read the parable of the Good Samaritan. What struck me as I was reading the story is how I identified with the man who was beat up and robbed and left half dead on the side of the road. The great thing about the parables of Jesus is that we can find ourselves in all of the characters at different times in our lives. Today I found myself in two characters. 

     First as the person half dead on the side of the road. This is how I have felt about my experience with the evangelical church. You see, I am a woman and when I made the decision to follow Jesus in my adolescent years, I had no idea where that would take me. The road that I have been traveling on has left me wounded. The hierarchal, male dominated, evangelical world has, at times, left me feeling half dead. I am not just a woman, I am a woman who aspired to leadership in the church. So you can imagine my surprise when I discovered that I was limited as a leader because of my gender. It seems that it was acceptable for me to lead as long as it was under the direction of my husband and we were leading together. In essence, I needed to be somewhat invisible. 

     So after many years of this oppressive situation, I decided to look outside of the church community to find my vocation. I became a school teacher and was pleasantly surprised at how much I was valued in that environment. This was a stark contrast to my experience in the church. So this was my new path and it worked quite well for a few years. 

     In 2005, our family moved to another state because of the tragic and sudden death of my brother-in-law. This life change caused me to take some time and seek God's direction for my life. I had heard about a ministry of spiritual direction and was curious to find out what this was all about. So I went to a week long school of spiritual direction with Dr. Larry Crabb in Colorado. He told me that if I wanted to be a Spiritual Director vocationally then I would need to be credentialed.  So the next step was for me to attend George Fox Evangelical Seminary. To be honest, I never intended to look toward the church again for affirmation or calling vocationally. 

     I spent my years in seminary looking closely at how God sees women and how God sees me. I also met with a Spiritual Director. Over the years, I have met with a few Spiritual Directors and have found healing and wholeness for my soul. They have been my Good Samaritans. 

     You see, the thing about the Samaritans is that they were outside of the temple. The Jewish community hated them and so for the Samaritan to be the hero was an assault to the Jews listening to this story. I did not find empowerment from my previous Pastors (the priest in the parable), instead I got beat up. I was told that I was ambitious and impatient and as a woman, I would never be one of them. I did not find empowerment from the elders in my church (the Levite in the parable) instead I was ignored. I admit that I was ambitious and that I can be very impatient sometimes. I am reminded of the words of Martin Luther King Jr. He was a man of great patience and yet understood that patience does not mean accepting injustice anywhere you find it. When you point out injustice, you make enemies.

"We have no alternative but to protest. For many years we have shown an amazing patience... But we come here tonight to be saved from that patience that makes us patient with anything less than freedom and justice."
        - Montgomery, Alabama, December 5, 1955

     I did find empowerment through meeting with my Spiritual Directors. These woman and men helped me to see who I am and who God is. They listened to me and shed light on my life. They were the mercy of God to me.     

     I have been patiently waiting for the evangelical church to see the injustice that is inflicted on women when it comes to leadership. I am tired of arguing over the word pastor and elder. I read a book written by Eugene Peterson several years ago and he defined the true calling of a pastor is first and foremost to be a Spiritual Director.

     So the second person that I relate to in this parable is the Good Samaritan. As a woman in the church I have found myself as an outsider looking in. I have not found the church to be very open and receptive to the ministry of spiritual direction which is essentially a one on one pastoral ministry. I tend to be an idealist and my dream is for the church to catch the vision for the ministry of spiritual direction. However, this has not deterred me from the ministry itself. God has brought me spiritual seekers who are hungry for God and desire to go deeper in their spiritual lives. I now have the privilege of walking with people in the ministry of spiritual direction as a Director. As I sit with individuals and listen to their story unfold, I see the spirit of God transform their lives. I see God bring freedom, and healing to their souls. I see the power of God's love move mountains. I love this ministry and I am blessed by every person that walks through my door to meet with me. When you listen to the heart of another you are entering holy ground. God is the true director in these times and I am a participant. I am grateful to every person that has invited me into this space with them as they journey toward healing and wholeness. I am thankful for my directors who showed me the love, kindness and compassion of Jesus and ushered in healing to my soul.

     Jesus told this parable in response to the question of how to receive eternal life. He answered by telling them to love God with all of their heart, soul, mind and strength and to love your neighbor as you love yourself. The ministry of spiritual direction offers us the opportunity to reflect upon our lives and see how this is or is not a reality in our lives. Jesus said that the kingdom of God is within you. So to take the inward journey is to find the kingdom of God.

If you are looking for a place to seek God's presence through spiritual direction my door is open... 

     

Cry Baby

What is the worst name that you can remember being called as a kid? For me it was being called a Cry Baby. I spent years of my life running from both of these words. I learned at a very young age that crying made me vulnerable to the actions of others. So I developed a wall of protection for myself by shutting off my tears. I worked very hard at not letting others see me cry. When I did cry, I sought solitude. After all, if I needed to be weak I could do that alone. 

This is such a distorted way of seeing. I have the privilege of listening to the lives of others as a Spiritual Director and very often what I hear comes from a deep place of pain and suffering. How can we exist without our tears? However, when a person sitting before me is moved to tears, more often than not they will apologize for crying and try to stop as soon as possible. I have also done this myself. Why do we do this? Because we see our tears as an embarrassing intrusion when in reality they are a gift to us. When we are moved to tears this is a sign that we are alive and that we feel things deeply!

Several years ago I was at a spiritual direction retreat and a woman stood up and shared how she had been living without her heart for many years. The pain in her life had become unbearable and so she just tuned out emotionally. In that moment I felt a prick in my own heart and how I had also been living without my heart in various ways. And so I set out on a journey back to whole living. The journey back to living a whole-hearted life has been excruciating at times and I have shed many tears along the way but I am more alive today than I was before embarking on this road to wholeness. 

I have asked God daily to give me eyes to see and ears to hear and a heart of understanding for myself, for others, and for my world. However, the answer to this prayer does not come without a cost. To really see and hear and understand the reality of my world causes me great pain. I believe that as God continues this work of awareness in me, that I  am becoming more of a whole person. What I also receive is the gift of tears. Being alive to the world means being aware of the joys and the sorrows of the world. So each day I can see the darkness and the light that is all around me. The goodness of God surrounds me in the beauty of creation. I see the power and majesty of God in the lives of people. It takes strength and endurance to live in a world that is filled with suffering. The longer I walk on this earth the more I see people of courage who are willing to open their lives and hearts to a hurting world. 

I want to be a person of compassion that offers healing and hope to the  weary of this world. Sometimes I feel very powerless in this desire and then I am reminded of the words of Mother Teresa who said to start by helping the one that is before you. The older I get the more I see that changing the world starts first with myself and then to the one that is in my presence whoever that may be.

I still do not like crying in front of other people but I am learning to let go of my fear. I do not want to be afraid of tears anymore because they remind me that my heart is still beating. They are a sure sign of my love and compassion for my world. I am still here on this earth and so I will continue to seek the path of living from my whole heart. This is the way of Jesus.

During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. 

                                   Hebrews 5:7